


Back to preschool

by herilaveur



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:01:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 34,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26842543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/herilaveur/pseuds/herilaveur
Summary: For Lucas, a single father, it's a great day: his daughter enters preschool. He should be happy that she is so happy to go to school and most importantly, he  should stop watching this dad consoling his little boy who is crying right next to him.But he can't stop looking at that perfect face.What if love hit him in the preschool locker room?
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant
Comments: 177
Kudos: 199





	1. At first sight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> According to a phrase from a Vianney song: I hadn't planned to adopt my child one day, I had to adapt. (I don't know why, it made me think of ''What if Lucas adopted a child?")
> 
> And cause the incredible meeting in a hospital waiting room at 3am between my 4 year old son and a 3 year old girl with albinism. The children are incredible! We should all keep our childish soul and stop being afraid of the difference! 
> 
> Just for information: in France, school starts at three years old but you can leave the children at school only in the morning if you want.

Lucas wipes tears from the corners of his eyes and sniffs, trying to do it discreetly, but he feels like everyone is looking at him. In fact, everyone is looking at his daughter. He knows it and it makes him angry. He wants to tell them all to fuck off, he wants to take Jeanne in his arms and get out of here. Fuck, Lucas never liked school and he still doesn't today. He hates the way the parents look at her with that unhealthy curiosity. But that's not even why he cries. He doesn't really cry, he just sniffs with a few tears coming out of the corners of his eyes. But if he's in such a state, it's just because today is a big day, a new stage to go through and he's not sure he's ready for it.

''It's going to be okay, Dad. I'm going to have fun. It's gonna go by fast, and then we'll meet up at noon, okay?"

Lucas chuckles as he hugs his daughter. He kisses her forehead and hugs her one last time. He's sitting on the locker room bench, under his daughter's coat rack and it's her who reassures him. Lucas knows the roles should be reversed but it's really hard for him to let her go. He even regrets refusing to let Daphne go with him, maybe she was right and maybe Lucas needed someone to be with him for this big step in his daughter's life. Lucas would never have thought that a first day at school would have upset him so much. 

''I know, Jeanne. I'm going to be okay too, I promise."

Jeanne looks at him unconvinced. At the age of three and a half, she knows her father inside out. Lucas looks at the teacher who walks towards them with a sweet smile. He knows she's going to tell him that he can go, that he's lucky that his daughter is so happy to go to school for the first time, but as she opens her mouth to speak, an almost inhuman scream echoes from the end of the hall, followed by huge sobs.

''Nooooo !!! No, Dad, please! No! I would be good, I would clean my room. I won't touch your brushes anymore. Keep me, Dad. I want to stay with you."

Lucas looks at the screaming little boy, red with anger, huddled in his father's arms, clinging to him as hard as he can. Most parents would get angry or explain that this is how it is and that he has no choice. Most parents would die of shame that their child would scream like that, but the father would remain calm and gently stroke the little boy's brown hair as he rocked him. He takes a deep breath as if to give himself courage and gently places his son on the bench under his coat rack, right next to Lucas.

''Breathe easy, Charlie. Everything's going to be okay, my baby. You can take as much time as you need. We're going to do this together. Look here,your name is already written, we can put your jacket down and then we'll see, okay?"

Lucas should go, or at least he should stop looking at that father so insistently, but he can't even take his eyes off his face. He's definitely taller than him, and it shows even more now that he's crouching. He has brown hair scattered all over his head and most of all he has a beautiful face. He raises his head towards Lucas and gives him a huge smile that immediately makes Lucas blush.

"You know, it's normal to cry," says Jeanne softly, leaning towards the little boy. ''This is my daddy who was crying not even five minutes ago.''

The guy smiles before caressing his son's cheek to wipe away the tears and Lucas sighs as he looks at his little chatterbox.

"You see, Charlie, even adults are sad to leave their loved ones. But I'm sure you're going to have a good morning, and I'm going to pick you up for lunch at home, okay?"

The boy gently nods his head, drying his tears and turns to Lucas.

"Did you really cry?"

Lucas smiles at him and shrugs his shoulders.

''Yeah, a little bit. It's hard for dads too, you know. I'm sure your dad would want you to stay with him, but he's taking you to school because you're going to learn a lot here."

''I want to learn how to read,'' says Jeanne with a huge smile ''and how to write. I want to draw and play. I'm going to make lots of friends, Auntie Alex told me that. And tonight while Dad's working, I'm going to Uncle Basile's and he said he'll have a surprise for me. I'm sure it's a dress because auntie Daphne she designs dresses for little girls like this and she loves to give them to me. By the way, my name is Jeanne.''

Lucas raises his eyes to the sky. Jeanne is so talkative sometimes. Mika keeps saying that if she talks so much it's because Lucas never talks about his private life. And it's clear that since Jeanne can talk, Lucas has no private life because she tells everything. Luckily, he hasn't had a love life since she's been here because she would tell their friends everything.

''Well, you've already got it all figured out, sweetheart. Charlie, do you want to go to class with Jeanne? I promise I'll be there before the bell rings at noon, okay, buddy?"

Charlie looks at Jeanne, gets up to snuggle in his father's arms and then gently nods his head before taking the hand that Lucas' daughter is holding out to him.

''Why do you have white hair, Jeanne? I've never seen anyone like you."

Jeanne smiles, touching her braids and walks towards the class laughing, pulling Charlie by the hand.

''Dad says it's because I'm exceptional, but for real it's because I don't have any color in my skin or hair."

''You're so beautiful. You think one day I might have hair like yours?''

Lucas watch them disappear into the classroom among the other children, feels a tear in the corner of his eye and quickly wipes it away. He is so proud of his daughter. Charlie's dad smiles as he looks at him and holds out a hand.

''I'm Eliott. Thank you for helping me with Charlie."

Lucas shrugs his shoulders and shakes his hand.

''It's mostly Jeanne, actually. Nice to meet you, I'm Lucas."

They both look at their hands touching each other and keep in touch for longer than necessary.

''Dad! It's necessary to leave now!''

Lucas is startled when he lets go of Eliott's hand and smiles at his daughter.

''Okay okay, I'm going.''

They leave side by side, walking up the school hallway to the exit. In fact, they are the last parents to leave the school.

''Do you have time for a coffee?''

Lucas looks up, surprised by Eliott's request, but Eliott just smiles at him, as if they had been friends for a long time. 

''I don't want to go home and be alone, so if you feel like it...unless you have to go to work.''

Lucas smiles back.

''Yeah, I'd love to. I'm only working tonight, so yeah, I'd love to."

Eliott nods with a smile.

''Cool."

They settle down in a café not far from school and Lucas can't help but look at Eliott's perfect face. He has a beard that is 2/3 days old but looks well-groomed, and intriguing blue eyes, which navigate between blue and gray depending on the light.

''I didn't think I'd feel so weird leaving him at school,'' says Eliott, sighing, ''I wonder what they're doing."

Lucas smiles and thinks.

''They must be singing or painting, or just telling lots of shameful secrets about their parents. The teacher will love Jeanne for that."

Eliott laughs and takes his cup for a sip.

''Yeah, she's a little chatty. She's so cute."

Lucas nods with a smile.

''So? Are you an artist or something?"

Eliott looks at him surprised and smiles.

''Yeah. How do you know that?"

Lucas smiles.

''Charlie's talking about paintbrushes and you have pencil marks on your wrist.''

Eliott looks at his wrist and bursts out laughing.

''Shit, you've unmasked me. Yeah, I'm a children's book illustrator. Charlie loves to come to my studio. Usually I love it, but the other day he took advantage of me being in the shower to go there and he wanted to reproduce what he had seen in a documentary about Pollock. Frankly I don't know how he did so much damage in just a few minutes. It took us days to clean everything up."

''His mother must have been happy. '' laughs Lucas.

Eliott shrugs his shoulders and takes on a serious face.

''It's just the two of us. Charlie's mother left me last year to go live in the South. She said Charlie was too much like me and she had no feelings for him. Motherhood wasn't for her, I guess. That's why Charlie didn't want to go to school, he's afraid that I'm going to abandon him like his mother did.''

Lucas opens his eyes and his mouth in surprise. He just doesn't know what to say and fortunately, Eliott changes the subject quickly.

''What about you? I guess you and Jeanne have a history, too? I see you that you don't have a wedding ring either."

Lucas smiles, looking at his own hand. Lucas would never have thought to look to see if Eliott had a wedding ring, but apparently Eliott did and Lucas can't help but wonder why. Would Eliott be interested in him? No, it's just not possible. And then it doesn't mean anything, there are many parents who are in a couple without being married. Does Eliott ask him that to find out if he's available?

''You don't have to talk about it. Sorry if that was too personal of a question.''

Eliott's voice takes Lucas out of his thoughts and he looks at him shaking his head, a big smile on his lips.

''No, sorry, I was just thinking about some stuff. Yeah, we have a story. I have a high school friend who works in humanitarian relief in Africa. Three years ago, I found out my fiancé was cheating on me so I broke it off, and since I was working for him, I quit my job too, which I didn't like anyway. I needed a change of scenery so I left to join Manon, her fiancé and her parents in Tanzania. The third night after I arrived, someone knocked on the door in the middle of the night. As I couldn't sleep, I went to open it and she was there, lying on the floor, just rolled up in a towel, full of blood. She still had her umbilical cord. Jeanne was abandoned because she is affected by albinism. In her country of birth, being albino is a curse. Even the volunteers didn't want to take care of her, fearing that the evil spirit would come after them. As soon as I saw her, I knew she was my daughter. It was just a given. So I took care of her. Manon's parents helped me by tampering with her medical records and I brought her back with me two months later as a foster family for a sick child. And two years later, I was really able to adopt her."

Lucas looks at Eliott, who is stunned.

''Wow. That's just huge."

Lucas nods gently.

''Yeah, I know. My friends thought I was going crazy, but I think it was just love. I don't know how to explain it, but it was just a no-brainer. Love at first sight, if you believe in it."

Lucas didn't hesitate for a second. The guys thought he was crazy, telling him that he would have plenty of time to fall in love with a guy and plan to start a family with him, but fortunately the girls supported him right away. Anyway, it didn't matter that he was supported because from the moment he held Jeanne in his arms, he knew he could never let her go. 

"Yeah, I think I'm starting to believe that," Eliott answers, raising his eyebrows ''So, what are you working on, now?""

Lucas takes a huge smile.

''I'm a music teacher at the conservatory. In fact, I teach piano, guitar, drums, violin and accordion, and I have a string of YouTube tutos to teach beginners how to play. I work sometimes in the evenings but mostly on Saturdays and it is my friends who look after Jeanne. And then youtube I used to do that during her nap, now it will be while she'is at school''.

Eliott spreads his eyes wide open, totally astonished.

''Do you play all these instruments? It's fucking huge. I used to tease a guitar when I was young, but I never did more than this."

Lucas starts laughing.

''When you were young? I bet you're not 30!"

Eliott starts laughing, running a hand through his hair.

''Hell, yeah, that's right. Sometimes I feel like I'm 50 years old, but you're right. I'm 27."

Lucas chuckles as he runs one hand through his hair, ruffling it more than he's combing it.

''I understand you. I'm 25, but sometimes I forget that a little bit. Having a child makes you grow old all of a sudden, especially when you're alone.''

Eliott gently nods his head with a smile and Lucas's cell phone comes to break this sweet moment. It's his mother calling him probably to check up on Jeanne, but Lucas lets his answering machine do the work, he will call her back later. 

''Would you like another coffee?''

Lucas nods with a smile and finally, he and Eliott spend the morning talking. When they realize it's already 11 o'clock, they decide it's too late to go home and order two beers while waiting for school time.

An hour later, when the school bell rings, they are the first ones in front of the gate, two big smiles on their faces. It's clear that it's been a long time since Lucas had had such a good time with a guy. He can't help but blame the fact that Eliott is straight because otherwise he would have been perfect for him. He won't even let a tiny hope be born in him and tell him that Eliott might be bi, because frankly, how likely is it that Eliott would take an interest in him like that?

The doors open and Lucas immediately spots Jeanne sitting on the bench holding Charlie who is crying in his arms. She strokes his hair and talks softly to him, showing him his father, but it doesn't even seem to calm the little boy.

Eliott rushes over to his son, who jumps into his arms crying. 

''M. Demaury, I'd like to talk to you.''

Lucas watches Eliott nod to the teacher and imagines how bad he must feel about being summoned on the first day. He reaches out his hand to Jeanne but she doesn't move.

''You too, Mr. Lallemant. I would like to talk to you.''

Holy shit, Lucas still hates school so much.


	2. In his arms

Lucas watches Eliott walk into the now empty classroom, right behind the teacher, his son huddles in his arms and it's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. Eliott holds his son as if he wants to protect him from anything that could hurt him.

''Are you angry, Daddy?''

Lucas turns to Jeanne with a smile on his face and takes her in his arms. 

''No, not at all, sweetie. Did something happen?"

Jeanne shrugs her shoulders and takes a deep breath..

''Actually, Julie, the lady who helps Teacher Monica take care of us, she said it was "mommy time" and Charlie started crying really hard. He actually started screaming and she told him to stop but he kept saying "no no no". He punched the teacher when she tried to touch him but he wanted me to give him a hug. He said he didn't have a mommy anymore so I told him it was okay because I didn't have a mother either. There's a girl, but I don't remember her name, she said she didn't have a daddy but that now that her mommy had a new lover, it was almost her daddy, so she told us that maybe one day we'd have another mom. I said it was impossible because uncle Yann always says that you have to find a boyfriend so I said that if my dad was in love, I would have a second dad but that I would never have a mom. And Charlie he cried and said he never wanted to have a mom again. Zephir he said that it was not normal not to have a mom and that I was really weird anyway so Charlie jumped on him to pull his hair and he bit him so the teacher she screamed...and we had to sit on the bench and Charlie cried because he was afraid that his father would be sad and angry. And then you came. But it's not his fault, daddy, he just wanted to punish Zephir because he was mean to me.''

Jeanne stops talking, almost out of breath, and Lucas hugs her with a sigh. Holy shit, he hates school. But why do we force ourselves to integrate children into such a shitty society from a very young age?

The door opens and Eliott takes out with Charlie, still huddled up against him like a koala bear. He greets the teacher then Lucas and Jeanne before going out, gently caressing his son's back, whispering to him something he will only know from the two of them.

''M. Lallemant, Jeanne, come in."

Lucas gets up and enters the classroom, hand in hand with Jeanne.

''So...I guess Jeanne told you. She really has a very rich vocabulary and she doesn't have her tongue in her pocket. I'm very happy to have her in my class. She's really very sociable and very open-minded. She told us several things that I would like to talk about with you.''

Lucas looks at his daughter, busy dressing a baby in a corner of the classroom and nods.

"Yes, she told me. I've always been clear with my daughter. Right now, it's just the two of us. It has always been just the two of us, but yes, if someone comes to share my life, it will be a man so there will never be a woman in her life other than her aunts and her grandmother."

The teacher nods her head and smiles then looks at Jeanne before clearing her throat.

''In fact, I was talking about her particularity and her adoption. She told the other children that she was adopted and told them about Tanzania. The children, like many parents here, have never seen an albino child and I think it's really important to explain it to them. If we talk about it in class, they can talk about it at home and they won't be afraid of Jeanne's difference. She told us that you have a book to talk about it, so if you want, she could take it with her tomorrow to talk about it.''

Lucas nods with a smile, trying not to think he's an idiot and that he just told his daughter's mistress that he's gay when she wasn't wondering.

''I think it's perfect. I've always been clear with Jeanne. She knows she's adopted and unlike most people, she doesn't have melanin, so she has no color in her skin, hair or eyes. I think she'll be happy to talk about it because she loves to talk, you know.''

The teacher smiles and nods.

''Oh, yeah, I saw that. I'll take the time to talk about it in the morning then. I really hope that's the only time we're going to have an incident like today. I'll see you tomorrow then."

Lucas gets up, calls Jeanne, so she comes back to take his hand and they both go out. He can't help but look around the school on his way out, but Eliott has already left. There was no reason he wait for him, but Lucas feels a slight pinch in his heart. He looked so downcast when he walked out of class with Charlie, he would have liked to tell him that it's not that bad and thank Charlie for defending his princess. 

So the next day, Lucas arrives with the first parents but he deliberately hangs around in the locker room, looking at the few drawings already hung on the walls, showing Jeanne's favorite book: ''the small albino turtle'' to the teacher, hoping that Eliott will arrive and that they can maybe go have a coffee like yesterday and discuss about yesterday's events at lunchtime.

''Is she albino or is she sick? It's not contagious, I hope."

Lucas turns his head to look at the woman who just asked him the question. He hates it when people ask the question like that, looking at Jeanne with a horrified look on his face. To him, Jeanne is a perfect little girl and incredibly beautiful. Of course, with her white frizzy hair and pale skin, she doesn't go unnoticed. And this is usually even more true when people who meet her for the first time look at her eyes. They are blue, but so pale that they reveal blood vessels and appear red. But for Lucas, she will always be the most beautiful little girl in the world. His daughter.

''No, it's not contagious, he just dipped her in bleach!''

Lucas turns to Eliott who is standing in front of the woman, and now she looks at him in horror. She stares at him from head to toe and sighs before she leaves. Eliott has jeans with holes in his knees and a hoodie that makes him look like he's barely 20 years old, but frankly, it just fits him perfectly. Fuck, it looks fucking great on him. Why does he look so good in this basic outfit?

Eliott looks at Lucas then smiles, embarrassed.

''I'm sorry, Lucas. You didn't seem to want to answer him, but maybe I shouldn't have said that."

''Daddy says that, too.'' says Jeanne laughing ''He says people are jerks. But you're not. You, he told uncle Yann that you were incredible and beauti''

Lucas puts his hand over his daughter's mouth, his cheeks scarlet while Eliott chuckles as he crouches down in front of her.

''I think your dad is really incredible too. And you too, Jeanne. Thank you for comforting Charlie yesterday, that was really nice of you."

Jeanne nods and smiles.

''Charlie is my best friend, that's normal.''

Lucas crouches down to be Charlie's height as he takes off his jacket, giving the impression of having the weight of the world on his shoulders.

''Hey, Charlie. Thanks for defending Jeanne yesterday. I wouldn't tell you it was good to fight or bite another kid, but thank you.''

Charlie looks at him in amazement and then moves a little closer to him.

"Dad says if I keep going, they won't want me in this school. You know, he's changed schools six times because of that."

Lucas nods, not really knowing what _that_ means, but he doesn't care. He looks up at Eliott and smiles before looking at Charlie again.

''Don't worry, your teacher is very nice, I'm sure she understands that this is hard for you but she sees that you are a very cute and caring little boy.''

Charlie takes a huge smile and surrounds Lucas with his little arms before hugging his father and then following Jeanne into the classroom.

Once again, Lucas and Eliott leave the school side by side. Lucas looks at Eliott out of the corner of his eye. He seems to be totally caught up in his thoughts and it even seems painful, judging by the expression on his face.

''Eliott, you want a coffee?''

Lucas feels his cheeks turning red as he asks the question, but he's convinced that Eliott wouldn't do it this morning.

''Well, actually, I...''

Eliott hesitates and Lucas shrugs his shoulders. And there it is. Now that Jeanne, who should never have heard this conversation between Lucas and Yann, has told Eliott that Lucas found him incredible, it is clear that Eliott panics and must think that he is on to him. Which is the case, if Lucas is honest with himself, but it's not like he's going to try anything anyway.

''Don't worry. Have a good day."

He turns around, even if it's not his way, just to go in the opposite direction from Eliott and not show his disappointment.

''No wait.'' Eliott stops him ''Actually I have a hot water problem and the plumber has to come at 9:30 but we can to drink coffee at my place.''

Lucas turns around and looks at Eliott who smiles at him again with a sweet smile.

''I'd be happy if you came.'' adds Eliott ''Really.''

Lucas nods gently before following him to a building he knows well.

''Wait! Do you live there?''

Eliott stops and looks at Lucas surprised.

''Yeah, why?''

''I used to live here. Do you know Mika and Camille?"

Eliott nods gently, seemingly looking for the connection.

"Yeah, they're my next-door neighbors, actually."

Lucas takes a huge smile.

''I lived with Mika for four years. It's crazy how weird life is sometimes. I come to his house a lot, again, but I've never seen you."

Eliott shrugs his shoulders as he unlocks the door of the building.

''We've been living here for one months. When Lucille left, I moved back in with Charlie at my parents' house. I thought it would be easier for both of us, but surprisingly, living with your parents again at 27 is awful."

Lucas shrugs his shoulders in response. He has no idea what it's like to live with parents. It's been over 10 years since he's been through this, and it was already horrible. He looks at the door of his old apartment when they come on the door landing. And as if by magic, the door opens, revealing Mika and Camille, holding hands, in the middle of a discussion.

''Kitten? You came to see me?"

Mika lets go of Camille's hand and kisses him gently.

''Go, babe, I'll take care of Lucas, ok?''

Lucas shakes his head while Mika is already hugging him.

''Actually, I was going to Eliott's for coffee.''

Mika looks up, seemingly only now noticing the presence of his next-door neighbor waiting, obviously not knowing whether to close the door or wait for Lucas.

''Oh God kitten. I promised Camille that I would accompany him to work and then I go to the grocery store but wait for me at home Ok? I totally want talk to you. Eliott, it's so good to see you."

Mika holds out his hand to Eliott who shakes his hand with a tight smile on his face. He looks at Camille strangely but Lucas almost pushes him into his apartment to escape from Mika.

"See you later, kitten! It's an obligation!''

Lucas sighs as he takes off his jacket. Eliott's apartment is a copy of his old apartment so Lucas feels at ease immediately. They settle down in the kitchen with a cup of coffee and talk freely. It seems so easy to be with Eliott that Lucas almost wonders if it's normal. 

It's the ringing of Eliott's phone that interrupts them. He checks his phone and then puts it down with a sigh.

''Damn, the plumber's not coming today. Oh, that's so annoying."

Lucas finishes his cup then smiles at Eliott.

''What's the big deal?''

Eliott shrugs his shoulders.

''I don't know. The water heater won't turn on anymore, it must be dead. Honestly, I don't know."

Lucas gets up before he heads out into the hallway.

''Can I take a look?"

Eliott nods and Lucas opens the cupboard. Indeed, the apartments are really identical.

''Do you have a screwdriver?''

Less than two minutes later, Eliott hands him a brand new toolbox, still packed.

''My dad gave this to me when I first moved in, but I'm not really a do-it-yourself kind of guy. I usually break more than I fix."  
  
Lucas slips under the hot water tank, asking Eliott to light it and frankly, he almost regrets having already finished the repair because they are so close together that Lucas would like to enjoy it a little more. So he reluctantly walks away from Eliott and gives him back the screwdriver.

''It's all right, it's fixed.''

Eliott looks at him in amazement.

"Just like that?"

Lucas nods and smiles.

''Yeah. Just turn down the adjusting screw."

Eliott looks at him even more amazed.

''Thank you very much, Lucas. But how do you know how to do that?"

''I haven't lived with my parents since I was 16, so I had to learn how to do it on my own. And Mika clearly wasn't very good for this type of repairs."

Eliott sits on the couch in the living room, so Lucas imitates him.

''Did you move in with Mika when you were 16?''

Lucas nods softly.

''Yeah. My dad took off 'cause my mom was sick. And then she had to go to the hospital, so I didn't know where else to go. Mika took me under her wing. He helped me to accept myself and come out of the closet. He's exuberant but he's great."

''If he was that great, he wouldn't cheat on you.''

Lucas almost chokes on his saliva before he starts laughing.

''Mika is not my ex. Oh Eliott, how can you think that? He's like a big brother to me. I've never been out with him. Oh God, I can't imagine that."

Eliott takes a big smile and gets a little closer to Lucas.

''He's calling you _kitten_.''

Lucas rolls his eyes and smiles, letting out a kind of sigh. He acts like he doesn't like it, but it's reassuring not to be just Lucas or lulu sometimes.

''I know. Former roommate privilege. If you call me that just once, I should kill you."

Eliott laughs before looking at Lucas with a sweet smile.

''Sorry, I thought he was your ex-fiance. I wanted to kill him so badly. I didn't understand how Camille could take it so easily that he "takes care of you". Fuck, I feel like an idiot now."

Lucas bursts out laughing.

''Oh, God, no, there was no coded language. He just took care of me and listened to me when I was in trouble, that's all. Finding me on his doorstep at 8:30 in the morning, he must have thought it was still the case. My ex, Thibaud, he hated Mika and it was totally reciprocal. I don't think there are two more perfect opposites than Mika and Thibaud. My ex wanted everything to be straight and he wanted to control everything. I met him when I was a freshman in music school. He was in biology and he convinced me to change my path when I fucking hate bio! I worked for him and his dad for a year and I hated it so much. Frankly, looking back, I don't even understand how he convinced me like that. I think I was afraid that he would leave me if I didn't fit to the image he had of me. I had suffered from my father's departure and I no longer saw my mother because Thibaud didn't like me going to see her. He was afraid of her, in fact, of her schizophrenia, and"

Eliott coughs and Lucas realizes all that he has just said. He gets up from the couch, a little panicked to have said so much.

''Thank you, sorry. I don't normally talk about this. I'm sorry."

Eliott grabs his arm and makes him sit down again.

''Don't worry, I understand. Sometimes you meet people that are bad for you, but you can't get away from them. He should never have taken you away from your mother."

Lucas nods, ashamed that he let himself be taken away like that.

''I never should have accepted this situation. I love my mom, no matter how sick she is, even when it's hard. But today she's really getting better and the three of us have a great complicity with Jeanne. But I still feel sorry for having put her aside at this time in my life."

Eliott puts his hand on Lucas' knee, rubbing small circles to calm him down.

''We all have regrets, Lucas, it's normal. I wanted to be a director, but Lucille said it would never work out. I've always been passionate about film, and frankly, I still regret listening to her. I love drawing, but I was really into movies. That's why Charlie is named after Charlie Chaplin.''

Lucas chuckles as he sits down again, a little closer to Eliott.

''Jeanne is called that because my favorite song is by Jean-Philippe Rioppy.''

Eliott shrugs his shoulders, visibly lost.

''Never heard of it, sorry. With which instrument do you play this song?''

''Piano.''

Eliott takes a huge smile and pulls Lucas into his room.

''So go ahead.''

Lucas looks at the piano, which is more coat rack than piano, and it makes him smile.

''Why do you have a piano?''

''It was here when we got here. It belonged to the landlady's father, and since she didn't know where to put it, she rents the apartment with the piano. I can't guarantee the sound that comes out of it, but go ahead, I'm listening. Surprise me."

Eliott removes the clothes from the piano and Lucas pulls the bench under the keyboard to sit down. He presses a note. It is less out of tune than he would have thought. He looks at Eliott, sitting on his bed, closes his eyes and plays. 

He turns around in the middle of the piece to look at Eliott gawking behind him and then finishes the piece before turning around again. Eliott stands behind him, looking completely atomized.

''Fuck, that was awesome. What the hell is this piece?"

Lucas closes the keyboard and stands up before turning around and smiling at Eliott.

''I love you.''

Eliott takes a huge smile and puts both hands on Lucas' cheeks before kissing him. Lucas moans in the kiss before getting up and putting his hands on the back of Eliott's neck. They cling to each other, their lips together as if they'd been dreaming of this moment for years when they only met yesterday.

''It was just the title of the song." finally confesses Lucas breathlessly as he walks away from Eliott's lips.

Eliott bursts out laughing before coming to kiss Lucas again.

''I don't care, it's perfect.''

Lucas slides his tongue against Eliott's and moans as Eliott lifts him up before gently laying him down on his bed.

"So fucking perfect.''

Lucas pulls his neck so he can kiss him again. He lets his hands slide under Eliott's shirt, reveling in the movements Eliott makes when he caresses him.

''Lucas, I''

Eliott stops talking when Lucas gently sucks his neck, most likely leaving a mark. 

''Damn it, Lucas, you're driving me crazy.''

Lucas looks at him smiling. Eliott has no idea how crazy he's making Lucas. Eliott unbuttoned Lucas' jeans, letting his hand caress the top of his boxer shorts, pulling a happy moan from Lucas. Fuck, it's been so long since he's touched like that.

Eliott takes off his shirt, taking off his in the process before lying down on Lucas, peppering his neck with kisses.

''I really want to fuck you.''

Lucas moans and Eliott jumps almost immediately next to the bed, and it looks like he fucking panics.

''Eliott?"

Eliott runs a nervous hand through his hair before looking at his hands as if he wants to make sure they don't shake.

''I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I'm"

Eliott's phone starts to ring and startle them, the sound piercing through this heavy atmosphere like a lightning bolt in the dark night.

''Shit. Sorry. Wait.''

Eliott takes his phone out of his pocket, obviously wanting to shut him up, but at the last moment, he turns it over and picks up.

''Hi. Yeah, this is me. Oh, shit. Okay, I'm on my way. I'm sorry.''

Lucas sits in bed, putting his shirt back on, his cheeks scarlet, blending the memory of their kiss with the embarrassment he feels now.

''I'm sorry, Lucas, I have to pick Charlie up from school. Slam the door on your way out."

Lucas hears the front door slam and falls back to the bed in a dramatic wail. Eliott hasn't looked at him once as he leaves and the full extent of Lucas' insecurities makes him wonder if it's because he's already regretting it. 

He doesn't even dare to talk to Mika about it and finally, he stays in his old apartment until it's time to go back and get Jeanne. If he had hoped to hear Eliott come home with Charlie, it doesn't happen.

Jeanne tells him that Charlie dropped a painting easel, when he was upset that he had not finished his drawing by the time the children had to go out for recess and that he hurt himself in the process, so his dad came to pick him up and take him to the hospital. 

Lucas hasn't heard from Eliott and the next morning Charlie doesn't come to school. On Thursday, Charlie arrives, proudly showing off his two stitches on the arcade, and introduces his grandmother to Jeanne and Lucas.

''Your dad's working?" Jeanne asks in amazement. 

And for once, Lucas wants to thank her for being so talkative, because he would have liked to ask the question.

"No.'' answers Charlie as he enters the class with her ''He's just at home.''

Lucas leaves the school with a heavy heart, forced to open his eyes and understand the message: Eliott regrets and avoids him altogether. 

The worst part is that Eliott cannot avoid him indefinitely and Lucas doesn't even dare to imagine how uncomfortable they will be the next time they meet. 

Damn it, it was too good to be true.


	3. Taking care

Lucas' phone rings and he jumps on it, hoping for a message from Eliott. They exchanged their numbers on Monday, when they were at the café, but of course it's not Eliott. It's just Arthur asking if he's babysitting Jeanne tomorrow, like every first Saturday of the month when Lucas works at the conservatory. 

Lucas answers him before looking at his phone. Should he send a message to Eliott to tell him that they can forget what happened at his place and that they can just be friends if that's what Eliott wants. Lucas watches the screen go black and sighs. He has no idea what Eliott wants, but he doesn't want to just be friends. He can't help but think about how Eliott's lips were sliding over his own, how their bodies fit together perfectly. The way it was electric between them but so natural.

So he spent the morning brooding again, despairing of not having a message, but not wanting to be the first to send one. He doesn't want to be seen as an intrusive guy, but frankly, it's hard to know what to do. He keeps seeing Eliott's panicked face over and over again and can't help but wonder why he panicked like that. Was it the first time he wanted a guy so badly and it scared him? Was he afraid that it was going too fast between them? Is he going through an identity crisis? Did Lucas do something wrong without realizing it?

Finally he opens his messages and starts writing, then he looks at the last messages he sent on Tuesday.

_Are you okay, Eliott? Nothing serious?_

_Jeanne told me, I hope everything's okay with Charlie._

_If I can help you, don't hesitate._

_I hope everything is okay._

Okay, Lucas must already look like an intrusive and desperate guy. He erased what he was writing and put his phone away, grumbling that he hadn't heard from him. He is so hesitant about what to do that he arrives at school slightly late on the lunchtime. Jeanne and Charlie are the last two children not to have left. Jeanne waits quietly, visibly talking in an animated manner while Charlie seems to be scared to death. He clings to Jeanne as much as he can, and it doesn't seem to bother her at all. 

''You're friends with his father, aren't you?" the teacher asks softly, "I'm surprised he's not here. Charlie's grandmother said it would be him at lunchtime because she was going on a trip."

Lucas looks at Charlie who starts to cry and gently strokes his cheek.

''Don't worry, buddy, you're not alone. Everything is going to be fine.''

Lucas pulls out his phone and calls Eliott, praying inside for him to answer.

''I tried to call him twice already. I don't know what to do."

"I'll take him with me." says Lucas as Eliott's message rings in his ear.

''I need his father's permission for that.''

Lucas sighs and calls back. And he almost jumps when the phone picks up.

''Damn it, Eliott, I'm in school, where are you?''

''I...I...'' 

Lucas hears some sobbing that breaks his heart.

''I give the phone to the teacher, just tell her you want me to take Charlie, please. I'll take care of him, okay?''

Lucas hands the phone to the teacher and looks at Charlie with a heavy heart. He doesn't know what's going on with Eliott, but what is clear is that something is wrong and it's not just because of Lucas. The teacher gives him the phone back with a smile.

''Okay, that's good. I hope everything will be all right. Have a good weekend then."

Lucas reaches out his hand to Jeanne before watching Charlie dry his tears.

''Are you coming, buddy?''

Charlie nods and Lucas walks out of school with the two kids, not really knowing what to think. He didn't even think to ask Eliott if he was at home or at his parents'.

''Do you know where your dad is, Charlie?''

Charlie looks at him surprised by the question.

'''Yes, of course. He's in bed, why? You know, he can't move when he's having an episode, so he stays in his bed and Grandma takes care of me. But this morning he told Grandma that he was getting better and that he would come and get me. But sometimes he thinks he's better but in fact he still needs more time.''

''What's an episode?'' asks Jeanne.

Charlie shrugs his shoulders with a grimace.

''I don't know. Daddy says that. And he says his brain is dead and he doesn't want me to be sick like him. He cries when he says that sometimes but I don't care because I want to be like my daddy when I grow up."

Lucas looks at Charlie and takes him in his arms. The little boy immediately hugs him and lets out a happy sigh.

''Dad? Shall we go eat?"

Lucas nods then shakes his head. Shit, he doesn't know what he has to do now.

''Okay. We'll go to Uncle Mika and Uncle Camille's house, then I'll go to Charlie's dad and talk to him, okay?"

Both childrens nods with a smile and Jeanne spends the whole trip talking to Charlie about her uncles. Luckily Camille is there and Lucas leaves the two children with him before going to ring Eliott's doorbell. 

But as he expected, no one answers. He lowers the handle, feeling stupid to do so but the door opens, taking him by surprise. He enters the apartment, feeling too much but remembering that he just wants to reassure Eliott.

''Eliott?''

A grunt escapes from the room and Lucas gently pushes the door open, revealing Eliott buried under a mountain of blankets. Lucas feels overwhelming now, but he knows he's exactly where he needs to be when he meets Eliott's exhausted gaze.

Eliott looks at him and bursts into tears.

''Don't worry, Eliott. I'll take care of Charlie. Just rest, okay? He's fine, I promise."

Eliott grabs Lucas' hand and closes his eyes before nodding. Lucas squeezes his hand a little harder, hoping that the contact doesn't hurt him but as Eliott doesn't move, he doesn't loosen his grip. 

He closes his eyes and sees his mother again, lying in bed, reciting her prayers, asking him to help her recite the Our Father or reciting the Hail Mary on a loop, Lucas' head giving him the impression that it was about to explode. 

''You shouldn't be here, you don't deserve this.''

Lucas was startled and reopened his eyes. Eliott looks at him, and his eyes look so sad that they look really gray today.

''I don't care, Eliott.''

Eliott's chin shakes a little and Lucas gently strokes his shoulder.

''Rest, it's okay.''

Eliott closes his eyes and seems to fall asleep again immediately. When his hand lets go of Lucas' hand, he realizes that he has indeed fallen asleep again. Will he at least remember that? Lucas is not even sure. So he leaves a note on Eliott's bedside table to remind him that he is taking care of Charlie.

He goes back to the apartment across the corridor where Mika is teaching Charlie and Jeanne to dance. A dance that includes a feather boa, of course.

''Let's eat !'' calls Camille from the kitchen. 

Jeanne immediately disappears from the living room, racing with Mika but Charlie takes Lucas' hand and gently pulls him back to watch him.

''Dad's all right?" Charlie asks gently, as if he was afraid of the answer.

Lucas smiles softly at him, crouching down to be at his level.

''It's going to be okay, don't worry. He's just tired, I think.''

''He takes medicine every morning. He told me that when he doesn't take his medication he could sleep for a very long time, like a bear. And that sometimes he would get very angry. That's why he gets scared when I get too angry, but I can't stop when I'm angry."

Lucas wraps his arms around the little boy and hugs him.

''Don't worry, I too was sad and angry when I was little. I know it's hard sometimes.''

Lucas doesn't tell him he understands what it feels like to be abandoned by one of his parents, but the smile he exchanges with Charlie almost makes him think they understand each other perfectly.

''Let's eat! Daddy! Charlie! I'm hungry. I'm going to eat it all, too bad for you."

Charlie starts to laugh and detaches himself from Lucas to join Jeanne in the kitchen.

Mika spends the meal reminding Lucas to eat, so he does so with a sigh, but frankly, even though it's delicious, he really doesn't feel like eating. Basile hasn't responded to the message he just sent him and frankly, he needs his help now.

"I wish I had a brother like you." exclaims Jeanne as she leads Charlie into her bedroom, here, the Lucas' old room. 

''Maybe it'll happen faster than she thinks, right?''

Lucas shoots Mika with his eyes.

''Don't say shit like that, damn it! She's got ears everywhere, don't let her get her hopes up for nothing."

Camille puts three coffees on the table, giving his boyfriend a not really discreet nudge.

''What? I didn't say anything wrong. Aren't you the one who's afraid to hope instead, kitten? Stop being afraid."

''I'm not affraid.'' Lucas defends himself. ''I'm lost, it's not the same. I don't know what to think, and can you imagine, if we try and it doesn't work? I can't do that to Jeanne."

Lucas takes a sip of coffee with a sigh. He hadn't thought about it on Tuesday, while he was succumbing to Eliott's kisses, but it's true, he can't do that to Jeanne. He can't let her hope that they'll be a family with Eliott and Charlie and disappoint her if it doesn't work out. And knowing Lucas, it can't work. Lucas closes his eyes and sighs. He always ends up losing those who say they love him. He's not good enough. He wasn't good enough for his father to stay. He wasn't good enough for Thibaud not to cheat on him. He wasn't good enough for Eliott to want him. 

A pat on the back of the head made him open his eyes.

''Stop it right now, kitten! Stop believing that everyone always ends up leaving you. It's not fucking true. Your mother's here. You still got all your friends from high school. I don't know a lot of people who can say the same. I've been in your life for nine years and I'm not going to get out. The ones that got out were assholes, but it's not your fault."

Lucas looks at him with a tiny smile before Mika hugs him. It's kind of uncomfortable because Lucas is sitting and Mika is standing next to him, but sometimes it feels good to be held like that.

Lucas sighs and then gets untied and gets up to go see the children. They are both lying opposite each other on the bed, asleep holding hands.

"Leave them to me, you know I don't work on Friday afternoons." Camille says softly, "I'll come and tell you when they're awake. Go ahead, Lucas."

Lucas nods his head and crosses the corridor again, and just as he enters Eliott's house, his phone rings. He spends the next ten minutes on Eliott's couch asking Basile questions, being almost sure of his answers.

''Lucas? What are you doing here?"

Lucas is startled and drops his phone on the floor, dropping a high-pitched scream that he hopes Eliott didn't hear. Eliott takes a tiny smile that tells him that he did, but it feels so good to see him smile that in the end it doesn't matter.

''I picked Charlie up from school, remember?''

Eliott runs a hand through his hair and sighs.

''Not really. Sorry.''

He looks into the living room and then takes a smile that's not much bigger.

"So, you sold him, huh?"

Lucas smiles and nods.

''Yeah. To two nice boys at the end of the corridor. Jeanne and CHarlie are taking a nap at Mika and Camille's house. Don't worry, he's fine."

Eliott sighs visibly relieved and comes to sit on the couch, bringing his knees up to his face.

''I'm sorry, Lucas. I really thought I was better today. If you were not there, Charlie would have been left alone at school. I'm the worst father in the world."

Eliott puts his head in his lap and Lucas sits next to him, gently stroking his shoulder.

''You know that's not true. Your son is a sweet little boy and you're a good father. That was the first thing I thought when I saw you with Charlie on the first day of school."

Eliott sighs as he looks at Lucas, shaking his head slightly.

''I'm bipolar, Lucas. And I think he is too and it's my fault. Lucille told me she didn't want to have children with me because of that.''

Eliott starts crying and Lucas pulls him down.

''The mother of one of my best friends is bipolar and he's not. Neither are his brothers. Charlie is just as likely to be bipolar as I am to have schizophrenia. I'm not saying he isn't, but I'm saying he's three years old and there are lots of kids his age who have tantrums like him or are very sensitive. Especially if they have been abandoned by one of their parents. If you weren't bipolar, you wouldn't have thought about it."

''But I am, Lucas! There's nothing I can do about it. I'm screwed. I can't even take care of my son. If you were not there"

''I'm here, Eliott. You don't have to be alone, you know. We can be friends who support each other in difficult times. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable on Tuesday, but we can forget it. If you need to know what you want, that's fine with me too. I had a hard time accepting being gay, it's normal, you know."

Eliott sits down to watch him, with a little smile.

"I wasn't uncomfortable. I know what I want. I'm not gay, Lucas."

Lucas sighs trying not to show it.

''I'm pansexual. I've been with guys before, that wasn't the problem. Tuesday, I realized that I was entering an episode. Hypersexualization is my primary symptom of a manic episode."

Lucas nods, swallowing with difficulty. He likes Eliott's honesty, but it's hard to tell himself that he only wanted to sleep with him for sex, not for himself.

''It's okay, if you didn't want to, I'm glad you stopped in time and didn't do something you would have regretted.''

Eliott shakes his head, putting his hand on Lucas' knee.

''I didn't say I didn't want to, Lucas. I really wanted to be with you. I really want to be with you. But I shouldn't have jumped on you like that. When I'm manic, sex acts like a drug. When I was a teenager, I used to take refuge in it and I don't want to anymore so I have to keep control. When I heard myself telling you what I said, it was electroshock. I don't want to fuck you, Lucas, you deserve so much better than that. I want to make love to you tenderly. I'm sorry I acted like that. I don't want to build a relationship starting this way."

Lucas pulls at his chin for whoever's looking at him.

''Hey, stop, you didn't do anything wrong, okay? I was totally consenting. I'm sorry if that makes me an easy guy, but I wouldn't have said stop, Eliott, because I really wanted that, too. But you're right, we shouldn't start with that. I'm sorry I'm so weak when you kiss me. I know we barely know each other, but I feel like I've been waiting for you all my life, Eliott."

Eliott opens his eyes and suddenly stands up, looking at Lucas as if he had hit him before leaving the living room.


	4. Complicated

Eliott comes back, still looking shocked with a huge file in his hands. Lucas doesn't even dare to move because clearly Eliott gives the impression that he will start crying if Lucas opens his mouth again. But Lucas doesn't even regret what he said, because Eliott doesn't look panicked. He looks surprised, stunned but not panicked so Lucas assumes that's a good thing. 

Eliott sits down next to him, keeping his file preciously against him as if it were a treasure.

''I had applied to film school. The worst part is that I was accepted but Lucille convinced me it was a silly dream, so I cancelled my registration. Anyway, I had to come up with a film idea, so I wrote that. It was a love story that I had imagined for a really long time. It was the story of two people and a tunnel. One is a boy, the other we don't really know, it could be a guy, a girl, a creature, we don't really know.''

Eliott looks at Lucas as if to make sure he is listening to him and Lucas smiles and nods. Now his curiosity is piqued and he wants to know why Eliott is talking to him about this now, knowing that he must have written this almost 10 years ago.

''We don't know what it is because he lives in the tunnel because he is afraid of the light. And then he meets the guy who scared of the dark. They couldn't be together because they were both afraid of each other's world, so they were talking on the edge of their worlds, without seeing each other. And they realize that they are in love and they have to overcome their fears to get into each other's world. But no one wants to go into the dark, Lucas! The darkness is too scary. So the guy walks away. He doesn't want to walk away, but he's too scared to face the darkness. So the one in the tunnel comes out and catches him."

Eliott opens his file on the last page and hands it to Lucas, pointing to a passage.

_I don't want you to leave, because if you're not there, it's useless. I've been on my own for years and I thought it was good, but it's not true. We barely know each other, but I feel like I've been waiting for you all my life._

Lucas raises his head, his eyes slightly wide open before looking at the writing line again and smiling broadly.

"Is it now that I tell you that I am indeed afraid of the dark?"

Eliott takes a big smile in his turn.

''Really?''

Lucas nods and smiles.

''Yeahn but there are worse things than being afraid. Sometimes you just need someone to hold your hand in the dark and face it."

Lucas holds his hands between him and Eliott, letting them float in the void and Eliott slides his fingers through Lucas's before pulling him towards him and gently kissing him. It is really softer than their first kiss, much less hurried. Because they know they have time. They have found each other.

Eliott huddles in Lucas' arms, resting his head on his shoulder and sniffing.

''I thought I'd never find you.''

Lucas hugs him.

''I'm here, Eliott. You'll never be alone in the dark again. I promise."

Sometimes it's just an obviousness, and it's just unbelievable. Lucas sees himself again with this tiny white-haired baby in his arms. He remembers thinking, _"I'll never let her go again."_ He looks at the soothed face of Eliott in the crook of his neck and smiles because he's thinking the exact same thing at that very moment.

Eliott relaxes squarely in Lucas' arms and it's only when a knock at the door startled him that Lucas realizes that he has fallen asleep too.

''Lucas, the kids are awake. Are you okay?"

Lucas smiles at Camille and nods.

''Yeah. Totally. It's perfect."

Jeanne and Charlie run back into the apartment and Charlie jumps into his father's arms before he comes down from his arms and pulls Jeanne by the arm to show her his room and games.

''Can I go, Daddy?''

Lucas looks at Eliott, questioning him with his eyes. Should he let the two of them get together?

''I'd be very happy if you stayed, Lucas.''

Lucas smiles at him like an idiot.

''Go ahead, Jeanne, but no nonsense, okay?''

Jeanne stops on the doorstep of the room and turns around and smiles.

"No nonsense either, Daddy."

Eliott starts to laugh, quickly joined by Lucas.

"Your daughter is incredible."

Lucas joins Eliott and they settle down again on the couch.

''Charlie is really smart too. He's the one who explained to me what you were going through. He says he wants to be like you later, it's just so cute the way he looks at you. And I totally understand that because you're just amazing."

Eliott almost smiles shyly before gently kissing Lucas.

''Do you know if Jeanne sees us, all of Paris will know about it tomorrow?''

Eliott bursts out laughing as he gets up.

''Maybe I wouldn't mind. Okay, I'm going to take a shower, but I'll be right back. We'll talk about it tonight when they're asleep, okay?"

Lucas nods with a smile, and it's only once Eliott enters the bathroom that he realizes that Eliott has just concluded that he and Jeanne will stay here tonight. 

Lucas gets up and goes to look at the two children drawing on Charlie's slate wall and goes through the collection of children's books.

''Are you looking at my work?''

Lucas turns around and smiles.

''Why are you signing Oteli?''

Eliott shrugs his shoulders.

''I don't know. I used to think it was cool when I was young, I used to tag and sign with that name, so I just kept going with my work."

Lucas realizes that he himself has a lot of books illustrated by Eliott. 

''Dad? Can Jeanne sleep here tonight?''

Lucas looks at Charlie making puppy eyes, begging his father.

''Yes, I think so. Is that okay, Lucas? Would you like to stay?"

Lucas nods with a smile and Eliott gently strokes his lower back. The afternoon just goes totally naturally. It's just amazing how easy it is to be together. 

''Do you know you could go back to film school?''

Eliott looks at Lucas who has just finished reading Polaris and smiles. Lucas is really grateful that Eliott doesn't laugh at the tears that accumulate in his eyes when reading a simple script. 

''I've thought about it sometimes, but it would be complicated.''

Lucas shrugs his shoulders.

"Complicated doesn't mean impossible, Eliott. Most beautiful things are complicated but it's worth it."

Eliott looks around and then approaches Lucas to quickly kiss him.

''I feel like a teenager hiding from his parents.''

The children go to bed after laughing for almost an hour, pretending to sleep as soon as Lucas or Eliott comes over to tell them to keep it down, until they decide to let go and let them laugh, thinking they would fall asleep anyway. In the living room, Eliott slept in Lucas' arms for most of the film.

Lucas zaps carelessly, trying to move as little as possible so as not to wake up Eliott, but around 1am, Eliott raises his head, a little lost before smiling at Lucas.

''You should have woken me up.''

Eliott sits down and Lucas immediately misses the warmth of his body.

''Are we going to bed?''

Lucas nods and they lead hand in hand to Eliott's room. Eliott takes off his sweater and his jeans before slipping under his blanket while yawning and Lucas imitates him before huddling against him to kiss him.

"Good night."

Eliott hugs him gently.

''The best in a long time.''

Lucas smiles as he falls asleep with his head on Eliott's chest. He agrees completely. 

For two weeks, it goes really well. They spend all their time together whenever they are not working, sleeping either at Lucas' or Eliott's. They have decided not to make it official so as not to disturb the children and Lucas hasn't told his friends yet, knowing full well that as soon as he does, Jeanne will know. But at the same time, he has no desire to stay away from Eliott so they are together all the time, just trying to be discreet in their demonstrations of affection.

And that's exactly why tonight, Eliott and Charlie are here, in Lucas's home, with Yann, Arthur and Basile. And frankly, it's great to see his friends chatting with Eliott with such ease.

"Do you realize that we were in London just a few days apart?'' says Basile, ''We could have met you there, it would have been fun.'''

''We wouldn't have put you up.'' laughs Arthur ''We had so little money that the four of us slept in the same bed because we only had enough money to pay for a room.''

''Yeah, that was a hell of a trip.'' reminds Lucas. 

That's when he announced to his friends that he was gay. The four of them decided to celebrate their high school graduation by going to London for a week. Of course, they left on a whim, without having planned anything and when Lucas saw that they were going to share the same bed, he felt super hypocritical. He thought that the day his friends would know that he was gay, they would look back at that moment and think that Lucas could have told them, and that maybe they didn't want to share a bed with a guy who likes guys.  
Honestly, at that moment, Lucas was so freaked out that he was sure it would really make a difference for them. Basile and Arthur laughed as they jumped on the bed, asking Lucas if he was saying that to make a pass at them, while Yann hugged him and told him he could have said it a long time ago instead of pretending to be interested in girls and finally they spent a while discussing it over a beer in an English pub.

''Did you all sleep in my daddy's bed?''

The guys turn to Jeanne who seems totally shocked by this revelation.

''Yes, sweetheart.'' Yann says softly, ''It was a long time ago, but there's no harm in it, you know.''

Jeanne looks at Charlie and they seem to talk to each other just with their eyes. They both look completely stunned to learn that.

''But weren't you in love with my dad?''

Lucas chokes on his beer, making his friends laugh, but Yann is still very serious. Yann winks at Lucas who shows him his middle finger in return.

''No, princess, we've never been in love. We're like brothers, but we have the right to sleep with friends if we want.''

Jeanne sighs as she sits dramatically, looking at Charlie who seems just as devastated.

''But if lovers and friends can sleep together, what's the difference?''

Lucas rolls his eyes, waving at Yann to shut up, before coming towards his daughter.

''Why do you want to know that, darling?'' 

Jeanne looks at him with such sadness that Lucas gently caresses his cheek.

''Because since you and Eliott are sleeping in the same bed, we thought you and were in love and that we could become a family, but in fact if you are only friends, it doesn't work.''

All three boys turn to Lucas and Eliott with a silly smile as Lucas' cheeks turn a pretty red color and he looks at Eliott in panic.

''Jeanne?'' asks Eliott softly ''How do you know we sleep together?''

Lucas slaps Eliott's forearm while his friends whistle.

''Charlie woke me up the first time you slept over because he wanted to drink water. When an uncle stays home, he sleeps on the couch so we wondered where you were sleeping and actually you were sleeping in my dad's arms so we thought you were in love. And then it happened a lot of other nights so we were happy. If you're in love, Charlie's going to be my brother, right? So are you friends or are you in love?"

Jeanne and Charlie look at them, eyes begging, and that's exactly what Lucas wanted to avoid.

''I love your dad very much, Jeanne, but maybe it's a little early to talk about family, you know.''

Charlie frowns as he looks at Eliott. He looks so much like him when he makes that face that Lucas has to smile.

''Because you think one day you won't be in love with Lucas anymore?''

Eliott looks at Lucas smiling, gently caressing his cheek.

''No, that's impossible.''

''So this is because you don't want to be my dad, Lucas?''

Lucas' heart could break in front of this insecure little boy, feeling like he's never good enough to be loved.

''What? No, of course that's not it, Charlie. I really like you a lot, you know."

Charlie jumps into Lucas' arms to kiss him while Jeanne jumps up and applauds.

''So if we all love each other, there's no problem then?''

''See, Lulu, it's a simple situation. Why did you keep this from your best friends?" Arthur asks, laughing.

Lucas rolls his eyes and Eliott hugs him, pulling him in a sweet kiss.

"Oh I'm so happy!" shouts Jeanne before jumping into Eliott's arms "When I tell our teacher that, she won't believe it!''

Lucas looks at Eliott with a defeated look on his face and it makes him laugh.

''Yeah, tomorrow all of Paris will know, babe.''

He bends over to kiss him and that's when Basile takes a picture of the four of them for the first time.

The first family photo of a long... very long series.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay...I'm not saying that it's totally over...I hesitate to include another chapter with Lucille...because there, she's gone but she can always come back and claim custody of her son...or stop Lucas from officially adopting Charlie....
> 
> In short, I hadn't planned any drama in that story, but you want some?


	5. reassure

Lucas looks at Eliott who sleeps peacefully next to him and smiles. He feels like he is so lucky. He looks at their room for a moment and then comes back to the incredible man sleeping next to him. Sometimes he wonders what his life would have been like if he hadn't lived in this neighbourhood, if Jeanne had gone to another school. Or worse, if he had never adopted Jeanne? Would he still have met Eliott? Would he be a lonely, sad and depressed almost thirty-year-old?

Lucas looks at Eliott again, chasing away his silly thoughts. He has Jeanne. He has Eliott. He has Charlie. They're fine and they're all together, there's no point in thinking about what could have happened. Might as well enjoy what they have. So he looks at the man who's had his heart beating for three years and makes him feel like he's back to being a hormonal teenager.

''You know it's scary, babe, watching me sleep.''

Lucas smiles some more and gently kisses Eliott's cheek before he turns on his side to really kiss Lucas.

''Hello, babe. I love it when you wake me up before you leave. It's so much better than waking up and you're already gone."

Lucas sighs, remembering he has to stop kissing Eliott, take his hands off his lower back and get out of bed. Except he doesn't have the willpower to do it. And Eliott, who gently caresses his chest, knows it.

''I don't want to go.''

Eliott kisses Lucas' jaw and caresses his cheek while smiling.

''I know that's not true.''

Lucas rolls his eyes.

''Yeah, you're right. I want to go, but I don't want to leave you and get out of this bed.''

Eliott traps Lucas' legs with his own, using it as a lever to get over him, pressing Lucas against the mattress with all his weight.

"So stay. We will say that you are sick."

Eliott puts the back of his hand on his forehead taking an exaggerated mimic, which makes Lucas laugh.

''Oh God, you're burning up. I'm going to have to keep you here and keep a close eye on you. Really, really close."

Lucas giggles while Eliott kisses him on the neck, biting him in places. If he listened to Eliott, he would do this every Saturday. It's true that it's hard to go to work when he knows that Eliott will stay quietly all day with the kids. Fortunately, Lucas likes to teach at the conservatory because otherwise he would have quit a long time ago.

''Daddy! Dad! Wake up, we're hungry!"

Lucas stands up slightly as Eliott rolls beside him in a dramatic moan. Lucas hadn't even heard the door open, and he's willing to bet that Eliott hadn't either.

Charlie is the first to get on the bed, sneaking directly between Eliott and Lucas, as usual. Jeanne jumps on the end of the bed before coming to sit next to Eliott, hair in all directions. Imane has to come and do her hair later, to show Eliott another hairstyle, so for the moment, she just has a white curly tuft above her head. But even like that, she looks beautiful. And it's there, looking at her, that Lucas realizes that he hasn't done her hair for months. Now Eliott is doing it because he loves it. He repeats conscientiously the gestures that Imane showed him and he definitely has more patience than Lucas. Before, it was almost always Imane who did Jeanne's hair and Lucas only did a few touch-ups. Now, it is Eliott who does her hair and makes the retouching.  
So sometimes, while Eliott spends more than an hour doing Jeanne's hair, Lucas takes some gel, makes hedgehog spikes on Charlie's head and they enter the salon shouting: _''perfect result in less than 5 minutes''_ , before starting to laugh. But most often, when Eliott does Jeanne's hair, Charlie cooks with Lucas. Because Charlie loves it and Lucas often teases Eliott by telling him it's because he's tired of Eliott's weird cooking. Eliott is amazing, but so are his culinary disasters. Each time, Lucas wonders why he is still being fooled, and promises himself that he will never let Eliott cook again...and then Eliott comes back with a new idea and Lucas lets him do it.

''I'm so hungry," sighs Jeanne, "I think I'm going to die if I don't eat now.''

Lucas laughs so dramatically as he kisses Charlie's hair.

"Sleep well, buddy?''

Charlie looks at him and smiles.

''Yes. I had a beautiful dream about multicolored fish. I'm almost sad that my naughty sister woke me up.''

Eliott hugs Jeanne, burying his head in her bundle of hair.

''You've been told many times not to wake your brother, princess.''

Jeanne laughs before shrugging her shoulders.

''I'm bored when I'm alone.''

Lucas won't point out to her that before they moved in with Eliott and Charlie, she was alone all the time. Instead, he hugs Charlie a little, getting a satisfied sigh from the little boy and that makes Lucas happy. At Charlie's age, he would never have dared to go into his parents' room, let alone get in between them, in their bed. He was already so afraid of his father, even at the age of 6.

''Okay.'' Eliott says with a yawn ''Go set the table, we're coming.''

Jeanne jumps out of bed to get out of the bedroom while Charlie is still huddling a little with Lucas.

''Daddy, you finish working late tonight ?''

Lucas will never get tired of hearing Charlie call him that. And it's even more beautiful because every time, it makes Eliott smile. It was pretty hard for Eliott when Charlie realized that not all dads had episodes and that other dads, like Lucas, didn't have days when they couldn't get out of bed. After that, Lucas was afraid that Eliott would be jealous or hurt that Charlie would get close to him, but in fact Eliott is just happy to see that they have developed a nice complicity. Sometimes, when he looks at Charlie's reactions, Lucas feels like he saw himself when he was little and it's just incredible. And that's why he finds the right words to reassure the little boy when he panics.

''I finish at 6:00pm. But we're going to uncle Yann's, remember? I'm sure I'll beat you at Mario Kart this time."

"Will the baby be here?"

Lucas smiles. Charlie is a total fan of his little cousin.

''Yeah, Daphne and Basile will be there with Lea."

Charlie nods and Eliott gently kisses his hair.

''And today while Daddy's working we could go to the park and have ice creams for the three of us, if you want."

Charlie suddenly straightens up, kisses Eliott and then screams out of the room.

''Jeanne! Dad say we're going to the park for ice cream!"

''Now?'' shouts Jeanne back. ''That would be the best breakfast in the world.''

Eliott and Lucas burst out laughing before getting up, hugging each other again in a tight hug before getting ready.

''Do you think there are countries where they eat ice cream for breakfast?''

Lucas finishes his coffee and looks at his daughter who is obviously waiting for an answer. 

''I don't know, sweetie. But ask Dad when he's done showering, I'm sure he'll come up with another incredible story about that."

Jeanne takes a huge smile and Lucas kisses their children before putting on his jacket.

''Be good my loves, see you tonight.''

''Work well Daddy!''

The bathroom door opens and Lucas is pulled by a still wet hand for an equally wet kiss.

''See you tonight, babe. Love you.''

''I love you, and I like what I see very much. It gives me ideas for what we can do tonight when the little monsters are asleep.''

Lucas winked at him and left the apartment, once again thinking how lucky he is. He could never have dreamed of such a beautiful life. Of course, sometimes it is difficult and they argue with Eliott, but nothing is ever insurmountable. Their emotional insecurities have complicated things, but now that they can believe the other when he say he's not going anywhere, it's getting better. So yes, sometimes it's complicated, but it's worth it. Definitely. 

And then around 3:00 p.m., Lucas's phone starts vibrating because Eliott calls him. Less than a minute later, Lucas watches his phone vibrate again and frowns as he stops playing.

''Wait, Ludovic, I'm sorry, I have to answer, it's my husband.''

Eliott never calls when Lucas is working. He really doesn't.

''Damn it, Lucas. I'm sorry."

Lucas gets up from the piano bench because Eliott is clearly panicking. His whole voice is panicking.

''What's going on. You're fine?"

Lucas asks the question but he already knows the answer, If the problem was that Eliott felt an episode coming, there would be no problem because they established that if it happened, Eliott would take the children to Mika and Camille's house, since they live across the corridor. If they are not there, Eliott calls Yann. If he is not available, it's Arthur. If not, it's Basile...And the list contains more than ten people so there is no reason for Eliott to panic because there is always someone to take care of the children.

''No, it's Jeanne. We're at the hospital. I'm so sorry, babe. It was an accident.''

Lucas' blood immediately freezes as he begins to put his things back in his bag.

''What hospital? What happened? How is she?"

''She fell at the park. I think she broke her arm but I don't know. They won't tell me anything because I'm not related to her. You have to fucking come. Lariboisière hospital."

''I'll be right there.''

Lucas can't even think straight anymore so he stops and takes a gentle breath.

''Okay, I have to go, my daughter's in the hospital, I'm sorry.''

Ludovic looks at him with a sorry smile.

''Go ahead. Don't worry, I'll play until my mother comes to pick me up.''

Luckily, Ludovic is a teenager, not a child, so he can actually wait alone. Lucas goes to warn the director of the conservatory and runs to the hospital. As soon as he arrives in the emergency room, he sees Charlie crying silencieus in the arms of Eliott who is pacing back and forth.

''I'm here."

Lucas gently caresses Charlie's back and Charlie seems worried sick, while Eliott seems unable to stay put.

''Damn it, Lucas, I'm sorry. We were playing, I was with them. She missed the last step at the top of the toboggan and fell backwards. It was just an accident. I'm so sorry."

Lucas puts his hands on his shoulders to force him to calm down.

''Oh, it's okay, it happens. It's not your fault, my love. But why can't you be with her?"

''I'm your husband but not her father so they don't consider me family. I don't have any authority over her legally, so they apply medical confidentiality. They are heartless bastards!"

Lucas sighs while caressing Eliott's cheek for calm him. They both knew that legally their marriage did not give them any rights to their husband's child, but they didn't think people would care and they would still be considered family. Because they are. French law is so stupid!

Lucas walks angrily to the admissions office.

''I've come for my daughter, Jeanne Lallemant. How is she?"

The nurse asks him for his ID and then opens the emergency room door.

''She comes out of the X-ray, the doctor will come and see you.''

Lucas joins his little princess who is holding her arm but who doesn't seem more worried than that.

''I came as soon as I could, I'm sorry you had to be alone, honey.''

''I know, don't worry, I knew you would come. Those nurses are all jerks. Eliott's as much my dad as you are. I'm sad he didn't adopt me when you did, it would have been easier."

All night long, Jeanne's words were running in Lucas' head. Jeanne has broken her elbow, so she has a nice purple plaster and now that the children are in bed, Lucas sits next to Eliott on the couch, holding Eliott against him. Because Eliott is always handsome, but right now he looks like shit. His face is eaten away with guilt and Lucas doesn't want that to be the case.

''My love?''

Eliott hides his face in his hands while moaning.

''I feel so bad. She was my responsibility and she broke her arm. She could have cracked her head open or even died."

Lucas sighs as he kisses Eliott's forehead.

''Do you know a lot of children who have died from falling off a toboggan at a park? It was an accident, my love. It happens. She could have fallen the same way if it had been the two of us. I know it's not your fault, I don't blame you at all."

Eliott looks at him with a sigh, as if he was sure Lucas wasn't sincere.

''I know you're mad at me, baby. You've been distant all night. And you're right to be mad at me."

Lucas gently strokes his neck because he knows it relaxes Eliott when he's stressed.

"Would you be mad at me if the roles were reversed? What if Charlie broke his arm when he was with me?"

Eliott doesn't even hesitate and shakes his head.

''Then understand that I don't blame you. I'm sorry I got caught up in my thoughts tonight, I've been thinking about this. I want you to adopt Jeanne."

Eliott opens his mouth to talk and then closes it again before running a hand through his hair.

"What?"

''You heard me, I want you to legally adopt Jeanne. You're my husband, I want you to be her father. And that way we can all finally have the same name."

In the almost seven months they've been married, Lucas still hesitates to call himself "Lucas Demaury" because he doesn't want Jeanne to be the only one with a different last name. It actually seemed pretty logical to him less than a minute ago that Eliott would adopt Jeanne, but now that he's not saying anything, Lucas wonders if he wants it as much as he does. Because it's not a trivial decision, and it's irrevocable. And apparently Eliott must doubt, because he seems lost in thought and says nothing.

"Unless you don't want to."

Eliott is startled, seeming to get out of his thoughts and back to reality.

''What? Of course I want to. She's my daughter as much as Charlie is, and you know it. Of course I want to adopt her, but I want you to adopt Charlie then."

Lucas sighs as he strokes Eliott's cheek.

''He already has two parents. Officially at least. You don't even have a court order for custody. Theoretically, she could come back for him tomorrow and there's nothing we could do to stop her."

Eliott shakes his head.

''He doesn't have a mother, Lucas. Lucille hasn't shown any sign of life since she left four years ago. She has never heard from him at all. He could be dead and she wouldn't even know it. We are a family. You're my husband and I want you to be legally responsible for Charlie. Imagine if something happened to me, you couldn't even get custody."

Lucas can't even imagine that because it's too hard. He can't imagine losing Eliott, but knowing that if that happened, he wouldn't be able to keep Charlie with him is even worse. Charlie would feel abandoned by everyone and Lucas would feel like crying over nothing when he thinks about how he would feel. 

''So, how do we do it?''

Eliott shrugs his shoulders.

''I don't know. We ask our friends if they know a lawyer who can help us?"

They've barely sent a message to ask their friends for help when they already have the number of a lawyer, who is actually Basile's mother's best friend.

''Okay! Let's go! Let's adopt our kids!"

Lucas smiles in front of Eliott's enthusiasm then lets his hands slide under his shirt.

''I love you so much, my dear husband. Now I seem to remember that I had some ideas about what would happen tonight...and you are way too dressed up for it.''

Eliott's eyes immediately catch fire and he pulls Lucas to his knees while kissing him. Lucas kisses him gently in the neck then all along his jaw before joining his mouth, moving slightly of the hips then Eliott rises, carrying it against him, holding it under the buttocks, while taking advantage largely to caress his ass. He places Lucas delicately on their bed, goes back to lock the door of their room and returns, sending his clothes all over the room, while Lucas is already almost naked. He wraps Lucas' entire body with his own, and Lucas can only notice, once again, how their bodies fit together perfectly. 


	6. Inhuman

''I don't have time, I'm late.''

Lucas rolls his eyes as he puts the two cups of coffee on the table. Eliott says this every morning when he comes out of the bedroom, so it really doesn't make sense.

''You say that every morning, Dad. Come and eat!"

Eliott comes to kiss Jeanne's perfectly coiffed hair before he realizes that a family member is missing from the table.

''Charlie? Are you ready?"

''No, I'm not! But I will be soon. Don't worry about me, don't be late."

Lucas chuckles as Eliott grabs his cup and quickly takes a sip of his coffee.

''Thanks, babe. Tomorrow I'll get up early so I can have more time with you."

Lucas giggles as he kisses Eliott.

''Even if you got up early, you'd be late, Dad!'' laughs Jeanne.

Eliott grabs a piece of bread and goes to kiss Charlie who settles down at the table laughing.

''That's right, Dad! Daddy says there must be a time and space gap you're rushing into that makes you late."

Eliott stops gawking before laughing.

''Shit. When I was six, I didn't know what a time and space gap was."

He moves closer to Lucas to kiss him gently before whispering in his ear.

''You're the one who made me late this morning, babe.''

Lucas catches the time on the clock then kisses Eliott with a smile.

''Maybe...but I can't even regret it. Come on, let's go. See you tonight, my love. Work well. Love you."

Eliott kisses their children again and leaves the apartment throwing an ''Love you.'' As soon as the door slams, there is a feeling of calm that returns immediately. Every morning it's the same, Eliott runs around repeating that he doesn't have time, but he says that for at least ten minutes. He might as well sit down and drink his coffee quietly, but he's too impatient for that, and above all he wants to be exemplary and never be late. So Lucas says nothing and watches him frolic in the kitchen 5 days a week.

He watches their children eating their cereal, hiding behind the packet so he can make faces at them, as if Lucas can't see them.

''Okay, ready for your reading test?''

Jeanne nods while Charlie hesitates, so Lucas joins him and gently strokes his shoulder. Charlie pushes a big sigh before looking at Lucas.

''I don't like it when I have to read in front of others. I feel like they are all looking at me and think I'm weird."

Lucas gently squeezes Charlie against him before kissing his forehead.

''If anyone should be perceived as weird, it should be me." Jeanne notes.

''Nobody is weird here." stops Lucas, "We're different, but that doesn't make us weird. Don't worry, Charlie, I'm sure it's going to be fine, you read really well. You're a wonderful boy, okay?''

''I like weird!'' Jeanne says, ''It's cool to be weird.''

Charlie looks at her and frowns.

''I don't like it. It's like when people look at us weird because we have two dads and ask them how they got us, it's annoying.''

It's clear that for almost 3 years now, they've been getting quite a bit of attention at school. They're the only homosexual family and everyone thinks they've adopted their children, so a lot of people ask them how they did it. It's not mean, of course, often it's even to help another homosexual couple, but every time Lucas sees that it hurts Charlie. Because every time Lucas explains that they had their children before they were together, and people learn that Charlie is Eliott's biological son, their first question is always "But why doesn't he live with his mother?"

And even though Lucas knows that Charlie doesn't want to do this, he knows it hurts him to hear this question constantly, reminding him that it's not normal that his mother doesn't want him anymore. 

"People are curious," says Lucas softly, "but it's not always about being mean. Sometimes they just need to understand, okay?"

Charlie nods before turning back to his bowl of cereal and Lucas sighs before smiling at Jeanne who is ruffling her brother's hair to make him grumble.

Lucas drops the children off at school, and stays to talk with a few moms before going home to tidy up their house and take care of his youtube channel. Now, he earns really good money with that, but he continues to work at the conservatory because he loves the contact with the students. And it gives him a good income too and they really need it right now.

The children go to school all day but Lucas picks them up at lunchtime to eat. Jeanne hates to eat at the canteen because she says it is too noisy. Lucas imagines that it makes her angry mostly because she can't talk, but since he doesn't want to eat by himself anyway, it suits him just fine. It's their moment together. On Saturdays, they are with Eliott while Lucas works, so he is happy to have them for a special lunch time, even though what Lucas likes best are the times when all four of them are together.

He watches Jeanne and Charlie laughing as they clear their plates and looks at Eliott's empty chair. Lucas knows that he is a complete idiot, that they saw each other this morning and that they will meet in less than 5 hours, but he misses Eliott terribly. He finishes his coffee, looking at the clock, reassuring himself when he notices that they are more early than some days. He has to bring back the children for 2pm so they have time to go to play before leaving again.

He just starts doing the dishes when the apartment doorbell rings. That must be Mika. At this hour, it can only be Mika.

''Can you open the door?''

Charlie's hopping across the apartment.

"I'm going, Daddy."

Lucas doesn't even really hear the door open because he's trying to finish the dishes quickly, wondering what Mika wants. Knowing Mika, probably nothing at all, just passing the time and chatting over coffee.

And then the scream rings out and Lucas drops the dish that breaks in the sink. Charlie has a really peculiar scream when he panics. That doesn't happen very often anymore, just like the tantrums he used to have and Eliott is just starting to accept that maybe Charlie isn't bipolar, and even if he is, it doesn't matter because it doesn't change anything for them, they will both still love him just as much and at least they will be able to help him more easily because they already know about the disease.  
When Charlie screams like that, he has a recognizable cry between all the other children's crying, because it's not cries. It's always an outburst of an inhuman cry like the one he uttered on the first day of school over three years ago.

Lucas crosses the kitchen, his hands still full of washing up, runs across the hallway, while Jeanne comes out of her room. Lucas doesn't even need to see her entire face to know it's her. She is crouching in front of Charlie and puts one hand on her arm while Charlie is still screaming and shaking his head. 

''It's okay, I'm your mother, don't you remember?''

Lucas pulls him towards him and Charlie immediately jumps into his arms.

''Daddy, I want to stay with you. Please, please."

''He's not your father.''

Charlie suddenly turns around, his face red with anger.

''And you are not my mother! I don't have a mother! Lucas is my father. Get out of here!"

Lucas looks up at this woman who is now standing in front of him and he takes a step back, pushing Jeanne gently behind him. He has already seen some pictures of Lucille. He has even asked Eliott to keep them so he can give them to Charlie, if he ever asks, but now that she looks at him, giving him the impression that she is going to tear Charlie out of his arms, Lucas panics. Because he knows she has the right to do it, and it's really gross. 

Their lawyer does everything necessary for them to be able to adopt their respective children, one month ago. For Jeanne, it's easy because she has always had only one parent. For Charlie, it's more complicated. The easiest way is to get permission from her birth mother. She has to agree not to have any legal ties with him. We already had to find her because Eliott had no idea where she was. It was the lawyer who went through Lucille's parents to find out that she was now living in Toulouse.  
If she doesn't agree, they will have to put together a whole file, proving that she abandoned Charlie 4 years ago and a judge will have to rule on the deprivation of her parental authority. Except that their lawyer has made it clear to them that in many cases, judges prefer to give mothers a second chance rather than break the maternal bond. And since in their case, the application is not being made to recreate another maternal bond, the lawyer is afraid that they will run into a conservative judge who will not rule in their favour.

Eliott was convinced that she would sign without flinching because she never wanted Charlie, that she only kept him for Eliott and that in any case she was always clear that she never loved him. Lucas really tried to be as optimistic as Eliott, but between not caring about his child and accepting him as someone else's child, there is a difference. And apparently, the difference brought Lucille here. And since she is now standing in front of Lucas, looking angry, Lucas can assume that, contrary to what Eliott thought, she will not sign the papers without opposing. 

''Daddy, I don't want to go.''

''It's okay, Charlie, we're just gonna have a grown-up conversation, okay? You're not going anywhere."

''I want to talk to Eliott!'' says Lucille ''You have no rights to him. I want custody of Charlie back."

Lucas hugs Charlie tighter while Jeanne clings to the bottom of his jacket.

''I don't want Daddy!'' cries Charlie, ''Don't leave me.''

"Daddy no!" Jeanne screams, "Don't let her take my brother!"

Lucas shakes his head, feeling anger in his gut. He will never let go of his son anyway. He squeezes him a little harder while putting his other hand on Jeanne to calm her down.

''It's all right, buddy, I got you, you're not going anywhere."

"I'm going to kill you!" shouts Jeanne as she tries to hit Lucille.

Lucas holds her by the back of her sweater and pulls her towards him. 

''That's enough! Everybody calm down. Jeanne and Charlie, go into the bedroom while we talk, okay? I'll call Dad and I'll meet you there.''

Charlie nods, drying his tears as Jeanne pulls Lucas' arm to squat down, allowing her to huddle up to her brother.

''He's not going to leave, is he, Daddy? Promise me you won't let her take him away."

Lucas looks into his daughter's tear-filled eyes, he's never seen her so sad. So he strokes her cheek and tries to smile.

''We're going to take care of this with Dad. I'm going to call the lady who helps us with your adoptions, she's going to come and help us and we're going to have a calm adult conversation. Do you want to go to the bedroom while I take care of this?"

Charlie walks away from Lucas to go with Jeanne to the parents' room and Lucas can see Lucille looking at them as he takes his phone out of his pocket. 

''I want my son back.'' says Lucille. 

Lucas feels like she's talking about something she forgot to take with her when she left, and it pisses him off immediately. We're talking about an human being, not a simple object that you can forget and then come back for.

''He hasn't been your son for a long time, you don't know anything about him. You can't just leave him for four years and come back whenever you want. You can't decide to take it back and tear him away from his family."

''You don't have to tell me what I can do, you mean nothing to him. I'll only talk to Eliott."

Lucas takes out his phone and calls Eliott. Of course, it goes to his voicemail because Eliott is in class at that time. So he calls back and then it goes to Eliott's voicemail so he calls the school directly.

''Hi, I'm Eliott Demaury's husband in 2nd year of audio visual, I need to speak to him right away, we have a huge family problem. I really need to talk to him right now."

Lucas can't take his eyes off Lucille and he can see that she feels weird that Eliott has gone back to school. So in spite of the whole fucking situation, he smiles because yes, he convinced Eliott to follow his dreams and he's happy he did every time Eliott talks to him about his classes, because he's downright happy.

"Eliott, I'm at home and Lucille is here. She wants to talk to you. She wants custody of Charlie."

Lucas nods and hangs up.

''He'll meet you in front of the building in 10 minutes.''

Lucas closes the door with his foot and calls their lawyer. As Lucas suspected, he's currently in a bad position and Lucille could accuse him of child abduction if she calls the police. But Lucas doesn't give a damn, there is no way that Charlie will be taken away from their home and go to the other side of France just because this woman gave birth to him and she just realized, after 4 years of absence, that she wanted to know him. So in a corner of his head, he thinks about where the four of them could go to hide until there is a court order forbidding Lucille to take Charlie.

Lucas hangs up and takes a deep breath before heading to his bedroom. Charlie and Jeanne are hiding, sitting under the blanket, holding each other so he joins them and starts crying as he hugs them. He knows he should be strong, and tells them that everything is going to be okay, but he can't do it. So he just keeps them close to him, always hiding under this blanket as if it could protect them from the outside world.

It may be fifteen or twenty minutes before Eliott joins them. He lifts the blanket and wraps his arms around them without saying a word, just shaking his head at Lucas' attention. And Lucas just needs to look Eliott in the eye to know that he hasn't been able to talk to Lucille and that they are in a shitty situation. 

The four of them stay a few minutes under the blanket huddling together before the apartment doorbell rings, followed by knocks on the apartment door.

''Eliott! Open up or I'll call the police. You can't just refuse to talk to me! He's my son, you have no right to do that!''

Eliott kisses Charlie's hair and leaves the room. And Lucas hugs the kids a little more as Eliott starts to scream. The children are startled every time Eliott screams and Lucas hates it. There's never been so much name-calling heard in this apartment, and it's clear that it's never going to get solved like this.

"But if she loves him, she should want him to be happy and leave him with us, right? Why shouldn't Charlie decide that?"

Lucas looks at his daughter who questions him with her eyes and shrugs his shoulders. 

Is it really love that brought Lucille here? He's not really sure about that...but at the same time, maybe she needed the shock of the adoption application to realize she wanted to share Charlie's life? 

And then, out of nowhere, a quote appears in Lucas' mind: _You don't realize how important something is until you lose it._

So he kiss his children and gets out of bed to join Eliott and Lucille who are still screaming on the landing of their floor, and starts screaming louder than both of them.

"That's enough! Stop it, now!"


	7. in the rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, my interpretation of Mika is totally induced by Milan in WTFock...I love Milan!

The silence lasts ten seconds and Mika's door opens. He gives the impression that he has just gotten up, which must be the case since he worked all night last night at the bar. He looks at Lucille then looks at Lucas and Eliott, and it's clear that he understands right away what's going on.

''Where are the kids?"

Lucas looks at him and smiles.

''In our room.''

Mika crosses the corridor, quickly putting his hand on Lucas' shoulder before heading to Eliott and Lucas' room.

''Could we go talk quietly in Mika's room?''

Lucille lowers her head excessively looking at Lucas who joins them as if he were insignificant and Lucas clenches his fists to control the anger that rumbles inside him. He really takes it upon himself to be calm and try to think like an adult, but she will have to do her part. She turns to Eliott, totally ignoring Lucas, as if he doesn't exist.

''I want to see him. I want to talk to him."

Eliott shakes his head, getting back into the doorway to prevent him from getting through.

''You will not enter until our lawyer is present. But why the fuck do you care about him now? You never liked him. You really need to fuck me up again right now? Couldn't you just sign and leave us alone?"

Lucille looks at him with a black look.

''I have a right to be his mother. I'm his mother, Eliott. I didn't feel like I could take care of him when he was little. With you and your episodes, it was just too much for me to handle."

Lucas immediately puts his hand on Eliott's arm, feeling bad for him that Lucille blames his bipolarity for abandoning her son.

"Now that he's grown up, I think I'm ready to take care of him. I want a second chance."

''That's not the way it works, Lucille.'' gets angry Eliott ''And if you don't like him, you'll send him back to me, right? If he's bipolar, you're gonna abandon him again? Do you have any fucking idea what you're saying? You're not his mother, Lucille, you're nothing to him. You don't exist. We'd all rather you didn't exist."

Lucas pulls Eliott back to calm down in the apartment before looking at Lucille.

''We have to think about Charlie and find the best solution for him. And I think"

''Shut the fuck up!'' gets Lucille angry. ''You have nothing to say, you're not his father.''

Lucille tries to move forward to join Eliott in the apartment, but Lucas pushes her away.

"Of course I'm his father!" Lucas gets angry when he slams the door behind him, cutting him off from Eliott and the kids. "I've been raising him for 3 years! That I pick him up crying at school because he is afraid that no one will come to pick him up, that I get up in the middle of the night to reassure him because he had a nightmare in which he was abandoned, that I take care of him when he is sick and that I help him manage his anger. I'm his fucking father! You have no right to say that! You can't just show up and think he's going to want to go with you when he doesn't know you. You don't know anything about him! Maybe you regret it, or maybe you just realized that you love him and you want him in your life, but you can't come in here and say that I'm nothing to him. I love him, he's my son. I'm his father, whether you like it or not, so if you want to be a mother to him, at least once in his life, sign his fucking papers and let us be happy. You can't just come in here and break up our family."

Lucas reopens the door to his apartment and slams it in Lucille's face.

''Babe, calm down. We need to stay calm."

Lucas looks at Eliott and shakes his head letting his anger explode.

''No, I'm not calming down! Holy shit, he's my son." Lucas bursts into tears in Eliott's arms. ''He is my son.''

Eliott kisses Lucas' hair, gently stroking his back.

''I know, babe. I know."

Lucas pulls himself away from Eliott and gently pushes the door to their room. Mika sits on the bed and reads a story to the children, using the sheet to make a dress and strutting around like a princess, making the children laugh.

''She can't take that away from us, it's not fair.''

Eliott hugs Lucas against him and they stand there watching Mika fooling around to make the kids smile. Lucas wishes he could close his eyes and forget the whole story, but when he closes his eyes, a slight knock at the door sounds.

Eliott kisses Lucas' forehead and opens the door, bringing in their lawyer.

''I just spoke to her. She wants to talk to Lucas alone before she considers signing the papers.''

Eliott shakes his head immediately.

''That's a no. She's a manipulator. She's gonna..."

''I agree.''

Eliott grabs Lucas' forearm to stop him.

''No. She's gonna turn your head, she's gonna tell you stuff about me. She's going to break the trust we have in you by making you doubt me."

Lucas puts his hands on Eliott's cheeks and forces him to come and put his forehead against his own.

''Nothing she says will ever keep me away from you or Charlie. I don't care what you did when you were 16, 18 or 21. I know who you are, my love, and I love you just the way you are. I'm with you in this fucking tunnel and nothing's going to scare me, okay? I won't let go of your hand, Eliott. I'm going to go in there, listen to what she has to say, answer her questions and hopefully she'll agree to sign the papers.''

Lucas gently kisses Eliott before taking his jacket, opening the door and getting out, his lawyer right behind him. As soon as he walks through the door of the building and finds himself on the sidewalk, the rain whips his face, but it's almost soothing. Lucas looks up at the stormy sky and it makes him feel like the whole universe understands him and is as sad and angry as he is. 

''I'm waiting right here for you, Lucas.''

Lucas looks at his lawyer and nods as he enters the café. Lucille sits in a corner at a small table and seems calmer than before. More pensive. Lucas sits in front of her and she clumsily turns her spoon in her cup.

''Do you want something to drink?''

''No.''

Lucille nods her head and takes a sip of her coffee.

"You must think I'm awful."

Lucas looks at her in amazement. If he was expecting a question, he wasn't expecting this one.

''Just now : yes. I don't understand why you're trying to break up our family."

Lucille looks up to look him in the eye.

''And before that? When you found out I abandoned my son."

Lucas shrugs his shoulders.

''Frankly, I was surprised, but then I thought, That's pretty brave. It's better to do that than to stay and be mad at your kid. I don't think it's better to be a mother than a mother who's not happy to be a mother and who takes care of her child out of obligation."

Lucille sighs and lowers her head to look at her cup again before suddenly emptying it.

"I tried. I really tried. But it was too hard. I felt like he didn't love me. When Eliott had an episode, Charlie would cry all the time and sometimes he wouldn't calm down until I put him down next to his dad in bed. I never fit in between them. When I left, I thought it was Eliott's fault because he didn't leave enough place between him and Charlie for someone else.''

Lucille looks down on her empty cup and Lucas waves to the waiter before ordering two coffees.

''And then you got our request.''

Lucille nods in agreement and Lucas dares to ask the question that has been burning in his lips since he is in front of Lucille.

''Is it because I'm a man?''

Lucille opens her eyes before shaking her head.

''No, that's not the point. I knew that Eliott was pansexual, and I don't care. Really. But it hurt me. When I received your application, I realized that Eliott had left enough place for someone else to share Charlie's life, and that hurt me. I had imagined that when he was 10, 15 or 20 years old, Charlie would come to me and we could talk about all this. I want to be able to explain to him why I left. And I'm being asked not to be his mother anymore, so I thought, if Charlie had let someone else into his life, it might have been the same for me. I thought it would be like in the movies, you know: the mother and her son looking at each other and the little one jumps into her arms because he recognized her. And then he started screaming and it broke me from the inside. I'm sorry I got angry with you. You seem like a good person, I'm sorry I yelled like that. With Eliott it's different, I think we have too complicated a past to be able to talk calmly."

Lucas thanks the waiter who brings them the coffees and puts his hands around his cup, letting the heat try to soothe him a little.

''Charlie is very suspicious and he can't stand the idea that one day he might leave us. He has a lot of insecurities about you being away, and even if it get better, it's really hard for him. He needs time to trust someone, it took him a long time to build trust with his aunts. He's really very fragile and I don't want this to hurt him."

Lucille nods, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye before looking at Lucas.

''Did it take with you? Time, to be confident?"

Lucas sighs but decides to be honest.

''Honestly, no. It was a natural thing between us. Even when we were just friends with Eliott, he was always comfortable with me. Now, we are very attached to each other. He is my son and I don't want him to suffer. He's the most important one in this whole story."

Lucille nods and looks at the lawyer's papers on the table.

''If I sign this, I'll never be able to be a part of his life again. It's like I never existed."

Lucas takes a sip of coffee, trying to weigh every word before speaking.

''Not really. It's a simple adoption, so you'll still be Charlie's biological mother, but you won't have parental authority or custody. Charlie will have three recognized parents, but Eliott and I will be the only custodial parents.''

Lucille nods before running a hand through her hair.

''I know I look like a terrible mother. But that's the problem, I've never felt like a mother to him. When we received your request, my fiancé left me because he found out what I had done and he sees me as a monster who can't have a family. I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking about when I came here."

Lucille starts crying and Lucas looks at her almost horrified and totally uncomfortable. He can't stand still in the face of her distress, but he doesn't want to hug and comfort the one who could break up his family. So he hands her a paper towel. And she looks at him smiling before wiping her eyes.

''Thanks. I'm sorry. I'm confused. I'm lost."

Lucas waits for her to calm down before talking again, so he looks at the rain hitting the tile behind her. The drops fall, meet and then separate, and it's quite soothing after all. It gives Lucas time to think about what he wants to say because he doesn't want to hurt Lucille, but he doesn't want to lose Charlie.

"I don't know if you thought about him during his 4 years, if you regret having left and I would never try to imagine how you feel, but I know that I couldn't live without him because he is a part of me. And yet, it's not me, you, or Eliott you have to think about. What matters is doing what's best for Charlie. We won't let you go to Toulouse with him, that's for sure, because his life is here. We are his family, he has a little cousin that he loves, he has uncles and aunts, two grandmothers and a grandfather and all his friends. I am sorry that your fiancé broke up, and I am convinced that we should not be judged on our past actions, but do you really want to take care of Charlie? Get up at night to comfort him? Spend hours worrying when he has a fever and you don't know why? Make him do his homework? Spend hours at the store looking for new clothes because he's growing up too fast? Going to the park even when it's raining just because he needs to get some fresh air? Managing his anger and holding his hand when he needs it? Do you want to take care of him or are you there because you think you should be?"

Lucille looks at him without saying anything so Lucas takes a slight breath while looking her in the eyes.

''We've been a family for over three years, but until you sign his papers, I can't legally make any decisions for Charlie. If Charlie ever wants to meet you, I will be the first to encourage him, because it is important that he can learn more about you and your story. Just like I would support my daughter if she wants to know more about her family in Tanzania. But right now I want to be legally Charlie's father because I love him. It's not about rights, power or blood, it's just about love. I want to be able to take care of him no matter what happens because I love him. He's my son and I want to be able to protect him and take care of him. I want to worry about him, take him to the park in the rain and get up at night, even if it's just to hug him and let him go back to sleep. I want to help him grow up and let him know that I will love him no matter what. I just want to take care of my son and I need you to let me do that."

Twenty minutes later, Lucas opened the door to their apartment with tears streaming down his cheeks, unable to hold the sobs in his throat. Charlie jumps into his arms before he can say a word and is immediately joined by Jeanne and Eliott.

''We're going to fight, babe.''

Lucas shakes his head, showing the signed papers and sobbing even louder while Eliott embraces the three of them in his arms. 

He cried the day his father left, leaving him alone with his mother. He cried the day he had his mother hospitalized. He cried the day he knew his fiancé was cheating on him. He cried when the plane that was taking him to the other side of the world took off because he felt like he was alone in the world. Every time he cried because he felt like he was not allowed to have a family.

And then he cried when he held Jeanne against him the first time. When he was told that they were going to change his medical records so that he could bring her back to France. When he got on the plane with her. He cried his eyes out when he officially adopted her. He cried when Eliott proposed to him. He cried like a baby on their wedding day. And he's crying today, because he's going to be able to adopt Charlie. 

Each time he has cried with joy and relief.

Because yes, he has a right to have a family, and that family is perfect.

So of course when, a little more than two months later, Lucille did not withdraw and the judge gave them the official papers and their new family record book indicating that Lucas and Eliott Demaury are the parents of Jeanne and Charlie, Lucas cried without being able to stop. 

But it doesn't matter, because he is in the arms of the man he loves, they are holding their children against them and all their friends surround them screaming for joy in the middle of the courthouse square.

Eliott gently wipes away a tear with his thumb before gently kissing him. Everyone around them starts to scream differently because the rain is starting to fall, but neither Eliott nor Lucas makes the slightest movement to move.

It is definitely one of the most beautiful days of their lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now I'm going to celebrate my birthday and hope you enjoyed it! 
> 
> if you want another chapter with a special request about a moment of life you want to see, don't hesitate!


	8. Everything is not going well

Lucas wakes up moaning. He is not ready to wake up. His alarm clock hasn't gone off so he wants to sleep longer, but something is stopping him. Not something, someone. 

He moans a little more when Eliott's hand caresses him a little more around him and he gives small blows to his hips in response.

''Good morning, babe.''

Lucas smiles without opening his eyes, burying his face in Eliott's neck.

''Looks like this morning is starting well.''

Eliott kisses him on the shoulder, gently up his neck and then licks his ear. Lucas opens his eyes, steps back and wipes it off with a grimace because he hates it when Eliott does that.

"Eh!''

"What? Don't tell me you don't like it when I lick you."

Lucas giggles while Eliott pushes him a little bit so he can get between his legs. He licks his fingers before going down to insert them inside Lucas while kissing him gently.

''You're so open. It reminds me of everything we did yesterday. You make me so fucking horny, babe."

Lucas moans as he clings to Eliott's neck as he removes his fingers and is already pushing his dick instead.

''Fuck. Wait. Slowly."

Eliott shakes his head, biting Lucas' neck.

''You can take it, babe. You like it hard."

Lucas groans as Eliott goes in deeper. Eliott is right, Lucas loves it when it's hard and sweet at the same time, like this morning. Eliott's hands gently caress Lucas' arm from bottom to top as he enters and leaves him moaning.

Lucas puts his hand on Eliott's mouth while giggling.

''Be quiet my love, the children will hear you.''

Eliott shrugs his shoulders as he releases Lucas' hand.

''It's okay, they're not kids anymore. They know exactly what we're doing. Maybe they do, too, in fact. Maybe we should talk to them about it, right? Do you think we should ask them if they are active?''

Lucas straightens up slightly before pushing Eliott aside.

''Don't talk about that when you're making love to me. Oh, my God, Eliott."

Eliott looks at him, upset at having been pushed aside like that, and exits the bed with a sigh.

''What? They're 16, Lucas, they're not kids anymore."

Eliott leaves the room without taking the time to get dressed and Lucas sits down in the bed and sighs. Eliott was rather agitated his last days and had a lot of trouble sleeping, but every time Lucas asked him, he said that he had too much to think about with his work. And Lucas knows it's true. The serie has to be wrapped up tonight so it's clear that the last few days were super stressful for the whole staff, and Lucas understands that. 

But even if he hates it, he has to wonder if Eliott is slipping into a manic episode. 

So he gets up, puts on his boxer shorts and his robe and goes to the bathroom. Luckily the childrens are still sleeping so they won't have met Eliott naked. Just because of this detail, Lucas is already sure that Eliott has an episode.

''My love, are you okay?''

Eliott looks at him through the reflection of the mirror, his face closed.

''Of course, why wouldn't I be okay? Because my husband doesn't want me anymore? No, I'm fine. I can handle it."

Lucas moves closer to Eliott and wraps his arms around him, kissing him on the top of his shoulder.

''You know it's not about that. Are you feeling good, my love? I find you restless."

Eliott turns around so quickly that he almost knocks Lucas down in the process.

''Is this your way of asking me if I'm having an episode? No, babe, I'm fine. I just wanted you, but I messed it up and now I feel like crap."

Lucas gives Eliott a gentle hug, not really knowing what to think anymore. Is he the one who worries too much?

''I know you're worried, babe.'' sighs Eliott ''I'm sorry. Excuse me. I just wanted to make you feel good, beause I love you."

Eliott bends over to rest his head on Lucas' shoulder and strokes his back.

''I love you too. I'm sorry I reacted so hard."

Lucas looks at him and Eliott looks calm. Maybe he was worried for nothing, finally.

''Do you want to take a shower with me?''

Lucas hesitates but undresses and goes into the shower with Eliott.

''I love you so much, Lucas. I just want you to be happy."

Lucas hugs him, gently kissing him on the neck and then grabbing his lips for a sweet kiss.

''You make me happy, my love. For 13 years I've been thinking I'm so lucky to have met you."

Eliott takes a huge smile before hugging Lucas again. 

Finally, they come out of the bathroom twenty minutes later with red cheeks, Lucas feeling reassured and definitely more relaxed. It had been a long time since they had sex in the shower, and Lucas missed it. And then finally, Eliott looks calm. If he had to count all the times he worried for nothing, he would almost be ashamed. But then again, if he worries like that, it's just because Eliott is the love of his life. 

So they both settle down at the breakfast table, Eliott giving him loving glances, until Charlie joins them.

''Theo has to come to work tonight. Maybe he'll sleep over, okay?"

Lucas raises an eyebrow at Charlie.

''On a Tuesday night? How about high school tomorrow?''

Charlie rolls his eyes and sighs.

''Come on, Dad! His parents agree."

Eliott puts his hand on Charlie's shoulder with a huge smile on his face.

"And Theo is?"

Charlie looks at him without smiling.

''My biology partner.''

"And?"

Lucas gives a slight nudge to his husband who immediately turns to him with a sigh, greeting Jeanne who joins them in the kitchen.

''What? We have the right to know if it's a friend or a boyfriend, right?"

''Hey! I'm not gay!''

Lucas looks at Charlie, who stands up, almost horrified. Jeanne drops her bowl and hits him on the back of the head.

''Don't say it like it's something disgusting, you moron!''

Charlie looks at his sister and shows her his middle finger.

''Oh, stop it, Charlie!'' gets angry Jeanne ''I know what you did with Benjamin and I don't give a shit, but no wonder people at high school think you're gay after that. The fact that you dated girls doesn't count anymore since you kissed Benjamin. But you must not care, Charlie, okay? Being gay is not an insult. Besides, look, dad's not gay, maybe you're the same."

Charlie looks at his sister and for two seconds, Lucas wonders if he's going to hit her, but instead, he grabs his bag and heads for the door.

''Wait!''

Lucas joins him just as Charlie go and he pushes the door away so that she closes in front of them.

''We can talk, right? Who cares, Charlie? Your dad was just curious. We know you don't like to talk to us about it, and you have every right to, but who cares, okay? You love who your heart tells you to love and never be ashamed of it."

Charlie looks at him with a blank look before he sighs.

''Theo's just a friend. For the moment. ''

Lucas nods his head with a smile.

''Okay, great. Then yes, he can sleep tonight. And it would be the same if he was your boyfriend, okay? You know your dad, he's just trying to figure out where you stand. He just wants you to feel comfortable talking about it, okay?

Charlie sighs again before he goes back into the kitchen and stands in front of Eliott with his hands on his hips.

''It makes me really uncomfortable that you're trying to make me uncomfortable, Dad. So stop it. I don't know what I am and I don't wanna know, okay? I'm already annoyed that people are trying to find out what I'm in high school, I don't want to have to justify myself here too."

Eliott nods his head but he won't say anything more and Charlie turns to his sister.

''I hate you! Don't have a word with Theo tonight or I'll kill you, okay?"

Jeanne takes a huge smile before joining Charlie and ruffling his hair.

''If you're not interested, I'll put an option on Theo.''

Lucas watches the two of them leave and doesn't miss the black look Charlie sends to his sister. Eliott stands up and kisses him gently, hugging him at the same time.

''Crisis averted, thanks babe, you're the best. Okay, I have to go but I'm already looking forward to seeing you tonight. Love you."

Eliott leaves and Lucas stays in a totally silent apartment. He sits at the kitchen table to finish his coffee before he has to go to school. For the past 5 years, Lucas has been giving music lessons in preschools and he loves it. Now that he has two teenagers at home, it's nice to be surrounded by children again.

The day goes by extremely fast, and he finds himself at 7pm preparing dinner without even really realizing it while he hears Charlie and Theo laughing in the bedroom. He won't comment on the fact that his biology revisions were going much more studiously with Imane, but he thinks about it very hard.

The door of the apartment opens so quickly and loudly that it slams against the entrance wall, making Lucas jump.

''I hate you!''

Lucas drops his knife, going down the corridor to join Jeanne who is absolutely red with anger.

''I fucking hate you! How can you be such an asshole?"

The door of Jeanne's room slams and Lucas looks at Eliott who closes the door of the apartment and undresses, not even seeming to be touched by Jeanne's screams.

"What happened?"

Eliott looks at Lucas and almost jumps up to him before kissing him so hard that he pushes him against the wall. 

''I missed you today. ''

Lucas smiles at him before showing him Jeanne's room with a whimper. Eliott looks at the door of the room and shrugs his shoulders.

''I don't know. Teenage crisis, I guess."

Charlie opens his bedroom door with a frown.

''Are you okay? What the hell is going on?"

Eliott rubs his hands together on the way to the kitchen.

''Everything's fine. What's good to eat tonight?"

Lucas sighs and knocks gently to Jeanne's room but the volume of her music is already turned up so he gently pushes the door, certain that she didn't hear him. Jeanne turns the music down as soon as she sees him and looks at her father with a sorry look.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

She hesitates, playing with her white braids then closes her eyes and a tear escapes from the corner of her eye. Lucas joined her immediately, wiping the tear and hugging her.

''I don't know if I should tell you this.''

Lucas looks at his daughter, usually so sure of herself, and the anxiety starts to really rise because he doesn't understand what could have put her in such a state tonight. Usually on Tuesday night she is always in a good mood because she is in her acting class and she loves it.

"You don't deserve to suffer, Dad. You're so great. I don't understand why he wants to hurt you."

Lucas frowns and Jeanne sighs.

''I think Dad's cheating on you.''

Lucas went for few seconds without breathing until he swallowed and realized he had stopped breathing.

"What?''.

''He's cheating on you, he''

''I'm not cheating on him! Jeanne! Why do you say that?"

Jeanne rises with a leap, try to killing Eliott, who stands in the doorway, with her gaze.

''You're flirting on my drama teacher!''

Eliott shakes his head while rolling his eyes.

''Anything! We were just talking. I can talk to a woman without flirting on her, sweetie."

Jeanne looks at Lucas almost begging.

''I swear he was flirting on her, Daddy! He told her they could go out for coffee and maybe even more so.''

Eliott shakes his head almost laughing.

''I didn't say that.''

''Yes, you did! I hate you!"

Lucas stands up, putting his hand on Jeanne's shoulder to calm her down while Eliott looks at him, begging him with his eyes.

''I never said that. Lucas, you have to believe me. Don't let her come between us. Don't ever let Lucille come between us."

Lucas takes a step back and frowns, looks at Eliott, now totally worried.

"My love, are you okay?"

Eliott sighs and rolls his eyes.

''Come on, here we go again! Your little darling girl's telling you all this shit about me and I'm the one with the problem, right? Cause I'm the crazy one in this house, right? You know what, fuck you all!"

Eliott slams the bedroom door, startled Jeanne. Lucas reopens the door to join Eliott who is already in the hall putting on his shoes.

''Where are you going, my love? It's dark, dinner is going to be ready. Come, let's forget about all this and let's eat all five of us."

Eliott shoots Lucas with his eyes.

''You always preferred to believe the children rather than me. I never cheated on you, Lucas, and yet I could have. I can't tell you how many fucking times I could've fucked someone else. Maybe I should have, after all. I can't even remember why I didn't do it."

''Dad! Stop!"

Lucas waves Charlie off, but Eliott points at him.

''What? I'm making you uncomfortable, aren't I? Don't worry, I'm leaving. This whole family will be much better off without me, won't it? You're not irreplaceable, there are plenty of other people I could spend the night with. At least I am not ashamed of who I am. I can fuck women and men without being ashamed of myself. I can't believe that my son"

''Eliott, stop it!'' shouts Lucas.

Eliott almost rips the door off the apartment by opening it and slams it behind him.

Lucas puts on his shoes and then takes a look at Jeanne and Charlie, who are shocked. Theo is in the embrace of Charlie's bedroom door, visibly not knowing what to do and Lucas throws him a sorry smile before looking at his kids. 

''Okay. Eat, be good, I'll take care of him. It's all good, okay? He's been under a lot of stress with the production of the show, and now that it's over, it's...he's''

"He's having an episode?''

Lucas smiles at his son. He always seems almost hesitant when he talks about bipolarity.

''Of course he's having an episode, damn it!'' moans Jeanne ''And I totally fucked up! Shit, it was so obvious! I'm sorry, I made it worse.''

Lucas takes them in his arms, like when they were little.

''You didn't do anything wrong, my princess. I'm going to find him and we're going to take care of him. It's okay, all right.''

Charlie steps back and looks at Lucas.

''How are you gonna find him? He could be anywhere.''

Lucas shakes his head and smiles.

''I always find him, don't worry about it.''

Jeanne sighs while holding Lucas.

''But why do you put up with this? And if he became violent? And if he''

''I love him.'' Lucas cut her ''He was never violent. He's just lost and he can't think straight anymore. I'm his husband, I'm going to help him and take care of him. That's my role and I'm happy to be able to do that because I love him.''

Lucas is leaving the apartment, leaving his teenagers behind, and he doesn't like it. Okay, they're 16 years old but Lucas doesn't like to leave them alone when they're lost like tonight. So far, they have almost always managed to hide Eliott's manic episodes from them.

They managed to cancel the house purchase that Eliott had made because it was completely out of budget. The kids never saw the motorcycle that Eliott bought and brought back with him when he never had a motorcycle license. They also didn't know that Lucas had to pick it up in London because he wanted to see if he could provoke a Guard. They never knew that Lucas had to pick up Eliott at the police station twice.

And they don't have to. 

Lucas doesn't want them to see Eliott any differently. He doesn't want the disease to take Eliott away from their children. For Lucas, Eliott is perfect, and it doesn't matter how hard it is sometimes. 

He walks to Mika's bar, but he doesn't need to walk inside because he sees that Eliott is not there. So he walks to Eliott's favorite club. 

He is already ready to see Eliott dancing with a woman or a guy, to see them kissing and maybe even to see Eliott's hands on another person's body. It has never happened, but Lucas knows it could happen. And seeing how angry Eliott was tonight, Lucas is convinced that he went to take refuge in someone else's arms.

But he loves Eliott, so even if it hurts him, he has to find him. Luckily, the club is pretty deserted since it's a Tuesday night, and Lucas soon realizes that Eliott isn't there. He goes out again, tries another club where they went a few times but Eliott is nowhere to be found. So he goes to a bar where they go sometimes, but it's the same result. And then Lucas freezes, because he doesn't know where to look anymore and he imagines Eliott in someone else's bed. Can he really do that? Can he really having sex with someone else without worrying about the harm it would do to both of them? 

Lucas knows it happens. A lot of times, he's read enough about it on the bipolarity discussion boards. But each time he closed his eyes, trying to convince himself that Eliott loved him too much to do this to them. 

Lucas' cell phone rings and it is only when he picks it up that he notices that he has been looking for Eliott for more than an hour.

''Daddy? Are you all right? Did you find him?"

Lucas sighs.

''No, Charlie, not yet. But, don't worry, it's gonna be okay."

''Theo just read in an article that he could go to a place that makes him feel better. A kind of refuge. Jeanne asks if you have been to the Polaris Bridge."

Lucas's heart tightens as he imagines his children searching for what to do in front of a maniac episode. They have always wanted to preserve them from that. But maybe the children are right, maybe Eliott isn't cheating Lucas and just went to take refuge in his darkness.

''I'm going there right now.''

Lucas hangs up the phone and runs back to the 16th district. Part of him is really scared that he won't find Eliott here, which would mean that it could be anywhere, but for now, he's pushing that little voice deep inside of him and running as fast as he can.

He remembers how happy Eliott was when he showed him the location of this bridge. How happy he was when they shot his short film here for his first year project. But tonight there are no cameras, no actors, no declarations of love. Under the bridge plunged in darkness, there is only darkness. 

"Eliott?"

Lucas pulls out his phone to turn on the light but he drops his phone and the light goes out, making his anxiety rise.

He picks up his phone that was turned off when he fell and tries to turn it back on but a sob tears the silence and Lucas joins him at once. He only distinguishes the shape of Eliott, crouching in a corner, crying with his head in his arms.

''It's all right, my love, I'm here.''

Eliott shakes his head and cries.

''You shouldn't. I'm hurting you, Lucas. The three of you would be better off without me. I feel awful."

Lucas pulls him into his arms and Eliott bursts into tears.

''It's all right, my love. I'm taking care of you. You're not alone. I'm so glad I found you."

Eliott still cries when they get home and Lucas supports him as much as he can. Eliott collapses in their bed before the worried looks of Charlie and Jeanne. 

Lucas puts a blanket over Eliott before pushing everyone out of the room.

"How is he doing?"

Lucas strokes Charlie's cheek and tries to smile.

''It's going to be okay, don't worry. He needs to rest. How is Theo? I'm sorry he had to witness all this."

Charlie's rolling his eyes.

''Who cares, Daddy. I'm not ashamed to say that my father's bipolar, you know. If he had cancer, nobody would be ashamed to say it. He's sick, it's not his fault. Theo's in my room, we're going to finish math."

Lucas frowns with a smile.

"You were not supposed to work biology?''

Charlie blushes slightly and Lucas pulls him towards him to take him in his arms.

''No lies, son. Just promise me you'll be serious."

Charlie rolls his eyes while Jeanne giggles in her hand.

''Daddy! We're not gonna doing stuff while you're all here. It's new, okay?"

''Doing stuff?'' says Jeanne laughing, taking a nudge from her brother ''You're so cheesy.''

''Oh shut up, Jeanne!'' moans Charlie.

''Can we help?'' asks Jeanne once she has stopped laughing.

''No, it's okay. Don't worry about it."

Jeanne frowns as she puts her hands on her father's shoulders.

''You're always telling us it's okay, Daddy, but we can tell it's not. We're not kids anymore, we can help you take care of him.''

Charlie nods his head and Jeanne pushes Lucas into the kitchen.

''Go eat, I'll take care of him.''

Lucas eats with Theo and Charlie. He doesn't really enjoy the food because he doesn't have the heart to eat, but he likes Theo to talk to him about his passion for the electric violin. 

When they finish eating, Lucas gently pushes the door of the room. Jeanne sits on the edge of the bed, almost bent in half, and she almost whispers as she strokes Eliott's hair.

''And do you remember the time I wanted to stop applying cream twice a day? You said : _"Honey, you have a disease, you can't help but fight it. I know it's hard and sometimes you want to give up but you can't do it. Never let the disease take over."_ Well, it's the same for you, Dad. Don't let this fucking disease make you think you're not good enough for us. We really love you because you're great, dad."

Lucas sniffs and Jeanne looks at him frowning.

''Oh, that was some private father-daughter time.''

Jeanne kisses Eliott's cheek.

"I love you, Dad, never doubt that."

Lucas caresses her arm when they cross each other and he slips behind Eliott, making him his little spoon. Eliott moves silently towards him, aligning his back against Lucas' chest.

''I love you, my love.''

Eliott sighs, shaking Lucas' hand in his, then starts crying again and Lucas squeezes him a little closer to him, gently enumerating all the reasons why he loves him. Eliott falls asleep but Lucas continues, convinced that his subconscious can still hear him.

Children are more used to depressive episodes, but this time Lucas sees that it's different. Maybe it's because Eliott hasn't had an episode in almost a year. Or maybe it's just because they've been confronted with Eliott's anger and fear of not knowing where he's been. Lucas doesn't really know why, but he can see that this time Jeanne and Charlie are reacting differently.

When Lucas comes out of his shower, he hears music from Eliott's old vinyl records and it makes him jump. He loves Eliott, but he still can't stand dubstep, even less so early on. He quickly gets dressed and goes back to his room where Charlie tries to set the record player. 

''I read that some people like to have their favorite music during their episodes. So we thought he'd like to hear that."

Lucas nods with a smile but stops the vinyl.

''It's too much for my ears at seven o'clock. But that's nice."

''It's not my favorite music.''

Lucas looks at Eliott who sighs under the covers as he looks at Lucas.

''You're my favorite music.''

Eliott's hoarse voice hurts his heart, so Lucas kisses him on the forehead before settling down in front of the keyboard to play Rioppy. When he turns around, Eliott sleeps while Charlie sits next to him.

"One day your mother told me that when he has depressive episodes and that you were crying, she used to lay you down next to him and that's the only thing that calms you down.''

Charlie nods with a sigh. Lucas knows he hates it when they talk about Lucille.

''I had to feel like he needed someone to give him a reason to fight.'' 

Lucas looks at Charlie with a smile on his face while Eliott moves slightly in his sleep, grabbing Charlie's hand. Charlie smiles as he looks at their hands and sighs gently with relief.

''I love you too, Dad.''

Charlie bends over to kiss Eliott's cheek before lying down beside him.

''Theo is off to class. I'm not going today."

Lucas looks at him, ready to tell him he can't miss class, and then finally he shrugs his shoulders.

''This is the only time, okay?''

Charlie nods as the door opens, letting Jeanne in in her pajamas.

''I guess you don't want to go to class, either?''

Jeanne sits down on the other side of Eliott, just like when she was little, with a huge smile.

''No. But you're going to work. We'll take care of him, okay?"

Lucas leaves the apartment with a heavy heart. Luckily he only works in the morning at the conservatory. He keeps his phone in sight all morning, but the kids don't give him any news. So he tries to concentrate on his classes and fortunately, it allows the morning to pass quickly.

When he comes back at 12:15, the kids are on the couch with Eliott. Eliott is wrapped up in his blanket and watches TV without smiling, even though it's his favorite movie, but a ghostly smile creeps over his face when he sees Lucas arrive.

Lucas joins him immediately on the couch, wrapping his arms around him, almost exactly as _The Kid_ is ending.

''You missed the whole movie.'' Charlie laughs. ''But we'll put on another one.''

''I'll make popcorns!'' said Jeanne before getting up, immediately joined by Charlie.

''You feel best, my love?''

Eliott shakes his head and sighs.

''Not really. I feel awful. I feel so ashamed.''

Lucas looks over to the living room to make sure they're alone.

''Do you have...do you''

''No, I didn't cheat on you, Lucas. But I wanted to, and it's killing me inside. I could have done it. I feel so dirty."

Lucas gently strokes his cheek before he kisses him.

''It's all right, my love. We're fine, okay? I know this is hard for you, but nothing will make me love you less, okay?"

Eliott nods painfully and sighs.

''I love you, Lucas. I really love you. I don't wanna put you through this."

Lucas kisses him gently on the forehead.

''I know. I love you too, my love. It's not your fault, you know. I know you're doing your best. I swear you make us all happy."

Charlie and Jeanne come back with a huge bowl of popcorn.

''Can we watch the serie before everyone else, Dad? I want to know if Marine's talking to Anna about her transsexuality. Please tell me it ends well. I can't stand the idea of them breaking up".

Eliott shrugs his shoulders, tries to smile and then pulls one arm out of the blanket to show his bag.

''The dvd is in the front pocket. But not a word to your friends, okay?"

Charlie and Jeanne nod and laugh before putting the DVD in the player.

''Yeah! Thanks, Dad, you're the best!"

Lucas gently kisses Eliott's cheek as he snuggles up against him and they spend the afternoon watching Season 3 of the series directed by Eliott.

''I'll never stop saying it, but I'm really proud of you, my love.''

Eliott resting his head on Lucas' shoulder with a sigh.

''It's all thanks to you. You're the one who let me believe in my dreams and put up with all my bullshit without ever getting tired of it. I'm so sorry to be a burden."

Lucas shrugs his shoulders as he kisses Eliott's forehead.

''Never apologize for what you can't control, my love. You're a great husband and a great father and your illness doesn't take that away from you, okay?"

''You're making too much noise!'' moans Jeanne ''Charlie put it back at the beginning.''

''And now, shut up!'' exclaims Charlie and smiles ''We want to see your work, Dad. Stop thinking you're a burden. We all are burden. Jeanne is a pain in the ass, I'm secretive and Daddy always says everything is fine even when it's not true. But we're a family so we stick together, okay? And now be quiet!"

Lucas hugs Eliott a little more against him, kissing his temple before watching their children, already gawking in front of the TV.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love this file too much...I can't leave them...


	9. In apnea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you're wondering what I'm still doing here...(me too). 😂😂 I had said I couldn't let go of this fic...in the previous chapter, we saw how Lucas was there for Eliott, but I wanted to see the opposite...so yeah, I added three chapters just for that (ok: two for that, and one for sweet moments to end in beauty...)

Lucas feels his breath getting blocked at the very moment the word is spoken. He knew it could happen. He knew there was almost a 100% chance it could happen, but he's not ready. No one is ever ready for this. 

''M. Demaury, do you understand?"

Lucas isn't moving. He can't even shake his head, and he's not even trying to stop the tears from coming out. He feels Eliott's hand squeezing his a little harder and that's the only thing that makes him sure he's still alive.

''It's going to be okay," says Eliott, "just tell us what to do.''

Lucas looks at the doctor without seeing him. It's just a shapeless white and pink shape standing in front of him. He feels his belly swelling and he wants to hit himself. How can his body still function? How can he still breathe after what he's just been told?

''The sooner we act, the sooner the better. I want to operate on Friday."

Lucas feels all the anger coming over him. It's just not fair. They've been coming here twice a year for over 17 years. Each time we told him everything was fine, until last month. And again, this time they were told that it was probably benign, that a cryotherapy session would fix everything. Lucas was not ready. 

''You both need to be strong, and''

Lucas gets up and hits the doctor's office with his fist.

''You said it would be benign!''

The doctor takes a step backwards, looking sorry while Eliott stands up to put his arms around him.

"I'm sorry," he says. "This kind of cancer progresses very quickly."

That word gives him the shivers and he bursts into tears at Eliott.

''It's gonna be okay, babe. We knew this could happen. We're all gonna beat this together."

Lucas closes his eyes and he sees Manon's father rocking this almost translucent, white-haired baby.

''Here, albinos who survive die of skin cancer before they are 30 years old. Even if you take her to France and take all the necessary precautions, there is a huge risk that she will develop cancer, Lucas. You have to be aware of that.''

Lucas pushes Eliott and leaves the office. He needs to see her. He needs to find his daughter. He needs to hug her. He can't lose her. 

She's on the phone, in the service lobby, laughing on the phone, probably with Louna, her best friend. The two are almost inseparable and when they're not together, they spend their time giggling on the phone. Lucas huddles up with his daughter, without saying a word. She lets go of her phone, surprised, and starts crying as she hugging her father against her.

Eliott joins them almost immediately, wrapping his arms around both of them before taking them back in the doctor's office.

Lucas can't even listen to what the doctor is saying because the words ring in his head: Cancer. Surgery. Cancer. Surgery. It's an endless loop that terrifies him.

Jeanne shakes Lucas' hand a little harder and Lucas looks at her. She looks at the doctor with a determined look on her face.

''How do I fight? Tell me I can fight it."

The doctor nods as he sits down.

''Of course you can fight it. You're going to come of age in three weeks, so for now it's up to your parents to decide, but then it's up to you."

Jeanne shakes her head trying to breathe calmly and Eliott gently caresses her back. Lucas really wants to thank him for being so strong for them, because he can't do it. He feels like he's drowning and he can't get to the surface.

''I make my decisions with my dads. I want to fight anyway, no matter what it takes.''

Lucas shakes his hand gently and raises his head, drying his tears. If Jeanne can swim to the surface, he must be able to do it too. So he takes a deep breath that burns his lungs and tries to listen to the doctor as carefully as possible. 

''These are squamous cell carcinomas. We are going to remove them one by one in surgery, but since they are more than 2 cm, we will combine them with radiotherapy.''

Lucas gently shakes Jeanne's hand while she nods gently.

''Am I going to lose my hair, feel like vomiting and all that? How do I deal with high school? Am I going to have to be hospitalized? How long?''

The doctor shakes his head as he pulls out several information leaflets.

''You will have side effects but normally not hair loss because we're not going to radiate your skull. You will be especially tired. You will be able to stay home and go to school when you are not too tired but you will have to come four days a week to do your radiotherapy here for six weeks. The radiotherapy lasts about 15 minutes. We will explain everything to you on Monday for your first session."

Lucas doesn't even remember how they got home. Eliott opens the apartment door and takes Lucas in his arms as soon as Jeanne disappears into her room.

''Come on, babe. We're gonna kick this cancer's ass, okay? We knew it could happen, we're all gonna fight it together."

Lucas nods, hugging him.

''I feel like I couldn't protect her, you know? I failed to protect my baby."

Eliott kisses his temple and then his cheek.

''You did everything you could, babe. It's not your fault at all. You saved her life by adopting her and now we're gonna help her fight, okay? You are the best father in the world and I always feel incredibly lucky that you wanted me to share this role with you."

Lucas nods with a sniff and turns to the front door which opens to Charlie and Theo who come in laughing.

''Daddy? Are you okay?"

Lucas shakes his head and starts crying again while Eliott holds him a little tighter.

"Your sister had her appointment at the hospital and"

Charlie drops his bag and crosses the hallway before entering his sister's room. The scream he lets out the next moment hurts terribly to hear. Lucas detaches himself from Eliott and joins them in thebed room. Charlie is sitting on his sister's bed, crying as he clings to her. One would say almost exactly how they were standing when Lucas and Eliott came to pick them up after their first morning of school.

Lucas joins them and slips in behind them, putting his chin on Jeanne's shoulder. Eliott joined them less than two minutes later, slipping in beside Lucas, trying to hug all three of them.

''Promise me you're're not going to die. I can't be an only child. How am I supposed to put up with those two without you?"

Jeanne kisses her brother's head while sniffing.

''No, silly. Who's gonna bother you otherwise? I would never let you down."

Charlie hugs her a little tighter. It's been so long since they've been this close physically and it's almost weird to see.

''Do you know you were my sister before our dads even got together?''

Lucas smiles as he looks at Eliott, because they both know it's true. They were so cute, already so attached to each other. Lucas remembers how disappointed they looked when they thought he and Eliott were just friends, they were so cute.

"Okay," says Charlie as he gets up, "What do we do now? Oh shit, Theo!"

Eliott puts his hand on Charlie's shoulder.

''I told him to go home and that you would call him. Don't worry, he understands, he's a good guy.''

Charlie puts his hand on Eliott's hand and smiles softly.

''Thank you, Dad. Okay, so what happens now?"

They spend the rest of the late afternoon talking about scheduling. In two days, Jeanne will be getting the stains that have appeared on her back and arms removed and on Monday she begins radiation therapy, every night at 6:00 pm.

Charlie spends some time looking for ways to alleviate the side effects of radiation therapy and everyone is making sure that Jeanne is never alone to go to the hospital, even though she says she can do it alone. 

Lucas sends a message to his friends with tears in his eyes and then turns off his phone. That's the hard thing to do when something horrible happens to you: you know you have to tell the people around you, but you don't want to do it and you don't know how to do it. So Lucas chose the cowardly way: a simple text message. Anyway, at the moment he's not able to say it out loud. It was hard enough to write it. He doesn't dare to imagine the faces of their friends when they read this message. 

''Lucas, we'll call our parents tomorrow, okay? That's enough for tonight.''

Lucas nods, huddling up to Eliott, silently thanking him.

At 8 pm, Louna arrives, tears in her eyes and crosses the apartment, up to Jeanne's room, without a word. Eliott and Lucas looks at her without saying anything. Anyway she is so here that she is almost in her home, here. Theo arrives barely two minutes later and Charlie jumps into his arms so hard that Lucas wonders how Theo manages not to fall under his weight. But Theo holds him firmly and takes him back to his room, Charlie blocking himself against him. 

At 8:30 p.m. the doorbell rings again and Lucas opens the perplexed door before bursting into tears.

''Oh Lulu. Come here, bro."

Yann pulls him into his arms while Basile and Arthur gently pat him on the back. 

''Tell us how we can help, Lulu.''

''Are you okay, Eli?''

Lucas looks up to the sky before looking up at Basile holding Eliott in his arms. Nobody calls Eliott like that, except Basile, so Lucas supposes it's his way of saying that he has adopted Eliott in the gang.

''It's okay. We're going to have a tough couple of weeks, but we'll be okay."

Eliott takes out five beers and brings them back to the living room.

''If I'm not okay, you guys are going to have to help Lucas. I promise I'll try to hang in there, but you know the stress is hard for me. I'm really sorry."

Lucas hugs Eliott, gently stroking his knee. 

"Don't worry for me, my love. '' Lucas' voice is just a whisper, but Eliott grabs it and smiles back at him, putting his hand on his own.

''Don't worry, Eliott,'' says Yann softly ''we are all from the same family. We look after each other. We are all here for you."

And over the next few weeks, Lucas can only realize how much his friends are really his family. Sometimes when they come home, they have ready-made meals in the fridge. The shopping list disappears from the fridge and shopping is done as if by magic. Lucas is even certain that someone came to clean up while he was giving music lessons at school. Eliott is in the middle of directing a movie so it's a lot of stress, but for now there's not a shadow of an episode on the surface.

While he says he's not a believer, Lucas finds himself praying when he doesn't sleep at night. He prays for Jeanne to be well, and he thanks he-doesnt-really-know-who to help him and Eliott to hold on, and he thanks for their friends.

On Friday evening of the second week, all their friends arrive to take their minds off things, organizing a video game night: the young against the not so young (there's no way they're going to be called old.). 

Léa is only 12 years old, but she beats her father several times in a row on the racing games, and Basile ends up throwing the joystick on the couch grumbling, while Romain, Arthur's son, who at 10 years old, gently makes fun of him. Alexia reminds him to be fair while Yann starts yelling "I won! You guys suck too much!", causing a general laughter.   
They put on a fighting game and Jeanne and Louna propose to play in pairs: each duo holds the controller in pairs, one controlling the arrows on the left of the controller, the other controlling the buttons on the right. Then it is in a general laughter that Lucas and Eliott win, cheerfully beating their friends. Lucas looks at his daughter laughing out loud and it's just a perfect evening. A perfect break from the hectic pace of radiation therapy.

On Mondays, it's Charlie who accompanies his sister, often with Theo and Louna. On Tuesday, it's Eliott, often accompanied by Yann. Basile accompanies Lucas and Jeanne to the Thursday session because he finishes his work at 5pm that day. On Friday, it's Camille and Mika who accompany Jeanne and Jeanne says that Mika laughs with all the nurses, which Lucas imagines very well. The nurses say they've never seen so many different people around one person and it's good for Lucas to hear that. They are not alone in the darkness. They will never be alone again.

Jeanne loses her appetite, but she never loses her smiles and finally, Lucas says that he had worried too much, once again. He always worries too much. Every night, he massages Jeanne's back and her skin darkens as the days go by. He applies cream to her so that her skin stops peeling, but every night it gets worse and worse. So he applies it, spreading the cream as best he can, remembering how many times he did it when she was little to prevent this fucking disease.  
  
Jeanne refuses to celebrate her birthday and it's a big blow to Lucas' heart. 18 years old is no small thing, it's an event: the majority. And that's why, with Eliott, they accept that Charlie kidnaps her, on Saturday evening, to take her to secret party in spite of everything. She comes back tired but with a huge smile. She sleeps all Sunday and Lucas is really worried, wondering if they did well to accept. For the first time, Jeanne doesn't go to school on Monday and it is Imane who comes to spend the day with her. They were able to make a schedule, according to the days they don't work so that she's never alone at home and Lucas can only thank his friends once again for being so present for them.

When Lucas massages her that night, she falls asleep before he's finished and it breaks his heart. When Lucas comes home on Tuesday night, Eliott tells him that she fell asleep during the radiotherapy session and that she's not well. Mika watched her all day and she only got out of bed to go to the bathroom.

Lucas gently pushes the bedroom door open and stops for a few seconds to watch the four young people. Jeanne sleeps, lying on her bed, head on Charlie's thighs. Louna sits next to her and gently strokes her back while reading her geography textbook. Theo sits behind Charlie and answers Louna's questions, his head on Charlie's shoulder. High school graduation exams is a month away and for the first time, Lucas wonders if Jeanne will be able to make it to the exams.

Lucas gently closes the door with a sigh.

''I wish I could do more for her. I can't stand to see her like this. It's like she's turned off.''

It's even worse when Jeanne wakes up and comes to sit at the table with everyone else. She seems to have trouble just lifting her glass of water and Lucas can't help but notice how much she has lost weight. She pushes her plate away with tears in her eyes and Lucas really misses her smile.

"I'm done. I can't do it anymore. I'm sorry. It's just too hard. I won't go to my next session."

Lucas had been in apnea for three and a half weeks, and there, his own daughter holds his head under water. And he's drowning.


	10. Battle

Lucas drops his fork which falls into his plate in a loud noise as everyone has stopped talking. He looks at his daughter and it's almost as if he sees a stranger. She has always been smiling, strong and sure of herself, and now she looks exhausted and defeated.

''You can't do this," says Charlie, breaking the heavy silence.

Jeanne gets up angry and steps back.

''I'm an adult, I can do what I want. It's too hard. I need a break.''

Jeanne joins her bedroom by slamming the door and Eliott gets up immediately, pulling Lucas' hand in the process. And this simple gesture gives Lucas the impression that Eliott is saving him from drowning. Eliott looks at him and Lucas understands that he is waiting for him, that he gives him time to come back slowly among them. 

Lucas shakes his head as he gets up, to get back to reality and shakes Eliott's hand in his and together they enter Jeanne's room. She sits against her headboard and doesn't even look at them when they enter.

''I wouldn't go in there on Thursday. I need a break. It's not a whim, it's too hard.''

''You can't, sweetie.'' said Lucas softly, sitting next to her. ''They explained to you that a break would cancel out all the effects.''

Jeanne lowered her eyes before crying as she fell into Lucas' arms.

''I'm tired daddy. I'm so tired. It's not fair. I've done everything. I've been using the cream twice a day my whole life. I've never been in the sun. I always have my UV shirt and pants on even when I go swimming. I look like an alien on the beach and yet I have this fucking cancer. I feel like I can't do it, daddy. I feel like no matter what I do, it's going to fuck with me for the rest of my life. I just want it to stop, I'm too tired. I couldn't do this many times. I can't finish this one time already. I can't do it anymore."

Lucas looked at her, defeated, while Eliott stood in front of them.

''That's enough!'' shout Eliott ''Of course you can do it, Jeanne! You're never going to stop fighting, okay? You're my daughter and I didn't teach you that."

Jeanne looks up to look at him and Eliott comes and sits down next to her.

''It's the same for me, honey, no matter how hard I try and take my medication and be followed by a therapist, sometimes my episodes just fall on me. So I'm telling you what you told me: Don't let this fucking disease win! You're going to make it, sweetie. You have 10 more sessions and then it's over. And yes, maybe you'll have to do it again in a few years, but we'll always be there for you. You can't give up, Jeanne."

Jeanne shakes her head, running away from her father's gaze.

''I'm sorry to tell you this, but it's not the same, Dad. You when you have an episode, you have no way out. You have to endure it, but there's no way out."

Eliott sighs and takes a deep breath.

''But what do you think, Jeanne? There is always a way out. Every year, 1500 bipolar people commit suicide in France. Do you think I've never thought about it?"

Lucas stretches out his arm to put his hand on Eliott's while Jeanne looks at him with wide-eyed eyes.

''You haven't thought about it anyway? When? Tell me you're lying just to change my mind."

Eliott sighs as he strokes her back.

''I never lie about that, and you know it. It was too hard sometimes. It happened to me before I had Charlie, but it happened to me after and rather recently as well. I know what it's like to feel like I can't do it, honey. I know what it's like to be so exhausted that you feel like even breathing hurts. So yes, sometimes I thought it would be easier to get it over with than to endure it. And if you don't continue your treatment, it's also a kind of suicide, because that's what cancer is waiting for. It's evolved quickly, you have to fight it now. I hung in there for you, you have to hang in there for us. You can do it.''

Jeanne throws herself into Eliott's arms, crying, and she ends up falling asleep. Lucas helps Eliott to put her back in her bed before hugging him. 

''I love you, my love. I love you so much.''

Of course, Lucas knew all that, but it still hurts to hear it. Eliott hugs Lucas a little harder in return, burying his head in Lucas' neck.

''And it's that love that keeps me from sinking. We're gonna make it, babe, we just gotta be strong for her. We need to show her that she can do it. We're going through the fucking tunnel with her.''

They join Charlie, Theo and Louna, who have never been quieter and shrug their shoulders in response to their worried looks. 

''She can't just give up like that,'' says Charlie.

Eliott gently strokes his shoulder.

''We have to be there for her, okay? We just have to hope she changes her mind."

Fortunately, Jeanne never has a session on Wednesdays. She spends most of the day sleeping. It is only at 7pm that she joins Eliott and Lucas on the couch, slipping into Lucas' arms.

''What if they were right?''

Lucas looks at her frowning.

''Who?''

Jeanne swallows so hard that you can hear it in the room and lowers her eyes.

''My parents. If I was a curse?"

Lucas chokes with his own saliva, standing up to push Jeanne slightly away so that she looks at him.

''Oh God, Jeanne! You're too smart for that! It's a genetic error. It has nothing to do with spirits or any curse. Don't ever say that again."

''These people, they are not your parents.'' Eliott adds ''We are your parents and you are our blessing, princess. You are the sunshine of our family. The only one who smiles all the time and manages to get Charlie out of his shell without offending him. You are a blessing, never doubt it.''

Jeanne cuddles up again with Lucas, Eliott caressing her shoulder.

''I'm going to do it. I'll do it for you. I love you both."

Lucas kisses her on the forehead and holds her tight against him. The next two sessions really exhausted him but Jeanne started eating again a little anyway. On Saturday afternoon, Mika arrives with a suitcase full of beauty products and finally, Louna, Jeanne, Lucas, Eliott find themselves sitting in the living room, a pink, green or blue mask on their face and Mika is putting varnish on their hands.

''Is it an insult if I say it's too gay for me?''

Lucas looks at Charlie and Theo who are watching them, totally surprised to disembark in a beauty salon.

''Say like that, yes.'' says Mika, looking up to the sky. ''Just to lower your unhealthy masculinity rate, come here and I'll put some pink nail polish on your hands.''

Charlie looks at him, bewildered and almost panicking, which makes Jeanne laugh. And damn, that sound is just a blessing.

''Nothing's gayer than what you and Theo are doing in your room, bro.''

Charlie chokes on his saliva, his cheeks turning crimson red as Theo bursts out laughing, joining everyone in the living room.

''I want the same as Lucas. I love this blue. Come on, babe, stop being a killjoy and come with us. You can always take it off tonight and no one will know except us."

Lucas smiles because it's the first time Theo has called Charlie like that in front of them and Charlie's scarlet cheeks are just adorable. Lucas supposes it's Charlie who hates public displays, and aside from the night they learned about Jeanne's cancer, Lucas has never seen any displays of affection between the two guys. They could be best friends or boyfriends, they would behave exactly the same way. But Charlie was pretty clear about the nature of their relationship, so Lucas and Eliott are set.

''Come on, baby," laughs Jeanne.

''Oh shut up!'' sighs Charlie as he sits next to Theo ''Only he can call me that.''

''I called you like that before him,'' says Eliott.

Charlie utters an exaggerated sigh, making everyone laugh and Lucas silently thanks Mika for this good mood break. That's the magic between him and Mika: one look is enough to say a lot. 

''Ok, now go and rinse your masks!''

They take turns rinsing their faces and then move back into the living room where Mika finishes Charlie's varnish.

''Jeanne'' sighs Mika, taking her face in his hands, ''Just because you're going to the hospital doesn't mean you have to look like a sick person. Come here, I'll take care of you.''

''Me too!'' exclaims Louna when Mika opens her make-up palette.

''Don't worry.'' laughs Mika ''I'll take care of all of you.''

''Oh no!'' laughs Lucas as he stands up ''not me. I love you, sweetie, but I'm not wearing any makeup."

''Not masculine enough for you, Daddy?'' laughs Charlie.

''Definitely not masculine enough!'' laughs Lucas ''Sorry, but I'm not wearing any makeup.'' 

Mika chuckles as she turns to Charlie.

''If you only knew how it was difficult to get him to come out! At your age, he was so far back in the closet he couldn't even see the door.''

''Mika! Shut up!" Lucas orders with a sigh.

Mika glances at him unimpressed while Eliott pulls Lucas on his knees.

''You found the way out, that's the most important thing. And you look beautiful without makeup."

Lucas bends over to gently kiss Eliott's lips, causing Jeanne and Charlie to moan exaggeratedly as they part with a smile.

''Lucas? How did you tell your parents?''

Lucas looks at Theo who seems intrigued but shy, which is not really like him. Lucas straightens up a little but stays seated on Eliott's lap.

''By text messages. I was rather cowardly and scared to death.''

Eliott gently caresses Lucas' back before putting a kiss in the middle.

''And how did they react?''

''My mom texted me back in a minute that she loved me and she was proud of me. My dad never answered. He acted like he never got it, so I did the same. One day I ran into him while I was going out to dinner with...my fiancé and he hit him. I haven't seen him since."

Charlie opens his eyes.

''Did Lucas' father hit you, Dad?''

Lucas swallows while Eliott shakes his head.

''It wasn't Eliott. I was engaged to a guy for a year before I adopted Jeanne.''

Lucas says it like a whisper, almost shameful when he shouldn't feel any shame about his distant past.

''What? And why don't we know?" Jeanne asks in amazement.

''It was before you. Before Eliott.''

''And he was an asshole!'' says Mika with a big smile. ''I never liked that guy. Lucas needed affection and he knew it. It wasn't love. He was using Lucas and Lucas was too needy for affection to see it. You, I love you, Eliott. You two, that's what love is.''

Mika sends a wink to Eliott and even if he doesn't see it, Lucas is sure that Eliott is smiling.

''Thank you, Mika, you're the best.''

Lucas sighs as Eliott wraps his arms around him.

''And you, dad, how did you tell grandpa and grandma?''

Eliott lets go of his hug and Lucas realizes that they never talked about it. Eliott always told him that his parents knew he's pansexual since he was a teenager, but he never told him how he told them.

''It's not a good story.''

Eliott clears his throat and Lucas turns around to look at him. If he didn't know him so well, he would miss the slight pink color of his cheeks.

''Come on Dad!'' begs Charlie ''I thought you were never ashamed.''

"Yeah!" Mika exclaims, "I want to know too!"

Eliott rolls his eyes with a sigh before looking at him and then at Theo.

"My girlfriend caught me in bed with a guy and she screamed so loudly that my parents came over. They saw the truth in the face. Literally.''

Lucas chuckles in front of the astonished faces of the four young people and Mika.

''Did you have an episode?'' asks Charlie softly.

Lucas smiles because it's so obvious that he did.

''No. I was just a 17-year-old asshole.''

Lucas is startled and turns around on Eliott's lap.

''What? Are you sure?''

Eliott blushes a little bit more, so Lucas strokes his cheeks with his thumb.

''Yeah, I didn't even have an episode that time. Sorry. I was just an asshole who didn't know anything about love. Luckily you taught me what it was."

Lucas feels himself melt from the inside out and bends over to kiss him.

''I love you."

Eliott smiles with kissing him again.

"I love you too, babe."

Eliott hugs him so tightly that Lucas moans but everyone seems to ignore him.

"I think I'm going to tell my parents," Theo says, looking at Charlie, "I think I should have done it a long time ago. I think my mother already knows anyway."

Charlie lets his hand join Theo's and intertwines their fingers smiling at him.

"Some parents need time," says Mika softly as he closes his makeup palette, letting Louna and Jeanne admire his work. "So don't take it the wrong way if they don't react right away, okay? It's hard for a parent to realize they don't know their child."

Lucas smiles as he looks at Mika. He looks more mature than before and Lucas knows that he hides a few white hairs but he hasn't changed,even if now he doesn't chase after the sex on Grindr anymore and that he deals exclusively with Camille's one (those are his words, not Lucas'). Mika intercepts his glance and smiles back at him.

''And yes, guru Mika is always on duty. Don't worry, I'll get your son to come out too."

Charlie sends a cushion to Mika's face.

''I'm not in a fucking closet. I just don't have anything to say, okay? Everybody knows I'm with Theo and that's enough. I'm not ashamed to be with him, so stop fucking with me. Oh, fuck Mika!"

Mika looks at him unconvinced and not at all impressed.

''As surly as Lucas, I like that, son! But I only believe what I see."

Charlie rolls his eyes with a sigh and pulls Theo closer to him, kissing him gently before looking at Mika with an air of defiance.

"Satisfied?"

Mika is pouting.

''You should never kiss your boyfriend on a dare, little kitten, it might make him feel like you're using him.''

Charlie sighs while Mika bursts out laughing at the same time as Theo and Jeanne.

"Mika, stop bothering him," sighs Lucas with a big smile.

''Anyway I have to go, I want to enjoy Camille before I go to work. OK, Jeannette, now that you're an adult, I can't wait to see you there. Come see me anytime, I'll buy you a beer."

Jeanne thanks him, declaring that she thinks she's beautiful, while Charlie promises him that he will celebrate his birthday directly at the bar in three months, and Mika leaves visibly satisfied. 

The six of them spend the evening watching a movie and Lucas finally feels a bit more relaxed. There are only eight sessions left. The end of the tunnel is near. All he has to do is pray hard enough for the results to show that the cancer cells have completely disappeared and they can return to a semblance of normal life.

Eliott holds Lucas a little closer to him, kissing his temple at the same time and Lucas hugs him. It's the safest place he feels on Earth. So for tonight, he doesn't move, he tries to think of nothing else but Eliott's arm holding him. 

For three days, Lucas feels like he can finally breathe again. Jeanne sleeps less and she's smiling again. And that's why Lucas is startled when he hears her getting angry on Wednesday lunchtime when he walks in the door of the apartment.

''I'm telling you it's not worth it, Charlie. I'm not going to take my exams in three weeks, I can't do it. I'm going to ask for a postponement and take the exams in September."

Lucas is approaching the living room and doesn't miss Charlie's sigh.

''What about your school? You've worked so hard to get through the entrance exams for social work school, you can't miss it."

''I'm going to ask for a one-year deferral. I don't have a choice, bro, I'm not ready. I can't do it."

Lucas is about to walk into the living room, but he stops because Charlie drops a textbook that crashes on the floor and it startled him.

''Okay. So neither do I. I'm gonna ask for a postponement."

Jeanne sighs. 

''Anything. You're going to medical school, you're not gonna cancel this. You're not going to waste a year when you have an incredible number of years of study ahead of you."

''I don't care! We started school together, we're gonna finish school together. If you don't go to the final exams, I don't either. We're doing it together, sis."

Jeanne sighs excessively and Lucas enters the living room just in time to see Jeanne picking up the textbook from the floor.

''Fuck, go ahead, ask your questions. Hey, Dad, how are you doing?"

Lucas nods gently, feeling like he's walking on eggshells.

''I'm fine and you?''

Jeanne looks at her brother then nods.

''Yeah. We're studying. The exams are coming up. We have to be ready."

Lucas smiles and thanks Charlie with a look before he goes into the kitchen. Charlie nods gently and Lucas knows they understand each other.

After that day, Charlie and Jeanne spend almost every night studying and are joined by Theo and Louna on weekends. Lucas has the impression that Jeanne is doing too much, that she doesn't find the right balance between exhaustion and hyperactivity. Eliott tells Lucas that he has to trust Jeanne and that she is much stronger than they thought, that she just needed to be reminded not to give up.

And finally, the last radiotherapy session comes. Eliott and Lucas have arranged to accompany Jeanne, really hoping that this is the last time they will set foot in this department. Jeanne enters the radio room and Lucas sits in the waiting room with Eliott's arm around his shoulders.

''It's going to be okay, babe. This's the last time."

Lucas sighs as he turns to look at him.

''What if it's not? You think she'll be okay? What if the doctor tells us she's not in remission?"

Eliott bends over to kiss Lucas' forehead.

''She'll be okay as long as we do, okay? I'm right here, babe, I'm here for you. We're a family, we're doing this together, okay?"

Lucas sighs as he snuggles up against it.

''Thank you for being here, my love. I don't know how I would've done this without you."

''And you never have to find out, okay? I'll always be here for you."

And that's so true. Eliott's here. He's here a week and a half later to wipe the tear from Lucas' cheek as they watch their childrens walk into the high school side by side to take their exams.

He's there, two weeks later, holding Lucas' hand, while sitting in front of the doctor. He pulls on Lucas' hand to make him react but Lucas doesn't listen anymore. He stopped at the first word and now that he's crying, the doctor has reverted to a white and pink shapeless mass.

"She did it, babe. You did it, sweetie. I fucking love you, my daughter.''

Eliott's voice breaks and Lucas pulls on his arm to lean towards him, holding him tight.

''Fuck yeah!'' screams Charlie and Lucas is sure that he is taking Jeanne in his arms ''Cancer didn't stand a chance against us."

Lucas wipes a tear from Eliott's cheek, smiling through the tears as Jeanne and Charlie huddle up against them.

''We did it.'' says Jeanne ''We did it. It's thanks of you. Thank you. You are the best dads in the world."


	11. Like in a dream

Lucas is startled when his phone rings and he touches the empty part of the bed next to him. He will never get used to seeing this emptiness next to him. He misses Eliott so much. He really thought he would have gotten used to sleeping alone, but that's still not the case. 

He grabs his phone and smiles when he sees the caller.

''Hi, sweetie.''

''Daddy? I wake you up? Are you sick?"

Lucas looks at the time on his alarm clock and he is a little ashamed. It's almost 11 o'clock. 

''Yeah. I mean, no. I went to bed late, I had a hard time falling asleep. Are you okay ?"

Jeanne tells someone to wait two minutes next to her and that makes Lucas smile.

"Could you pick up the kids from school at noon? I'm sorry, it's going to be a tight schedule but Charlie was supposed to take care of them and he just won his first solo surgery so we can't count on him anymore. Theo has sold a house and he signs the compromise at 11am so he's not available and Eric is on a plane back from Sweden. I'm meeting a family at 11:15am so I would never have finished in time. Can you handle it, daddy? Please..."

Lucas smiles, almost chuckles in spite of himself. 

''You're telling me that I'm flying out in less than eight hours and you have no one to pick up the kids? But how are you going to get by without your old father for a month?"

Jeanne smiles on the phone, Lucas can bet on it.

''You're not old already, Daddy, you're only going to turn 50 next month. I promise you that starting tomorrow, we're all set, and then I know that the kids will be happy it's you at lunchtime. They are very sad that you are leaving too."

Lucas sighs into the receiver. The decision to leave and leave his childrens alone was not an easy one. At least twice a week, Lucas picks up the kids from school so he knew when he made the decision to leave that it would be difficult for Jeanne and Charlie, especially since summer vacation starts in two weeks and Lucas is going away for a month. But they immediately told Lucas that it was a great idea and that he had to leave, even helping him organize his departure. So Lucas took a month's leave from the conservatory and arranged for the schools not to need him anymore from June 24th. And today is finally the big day. He has been counting the days for a month now and he is burning with impatience. But he still has to wait a little longer, and taking care of the children is perfect for that.

''Don't worry, I'll be at school by noon. My plane leaves a little before 5:00 p.m. so someone has to be here by 2:00 p.m. and that'll be fine.''

''I'll be there daddy, I promise, don't worry, you'll be on time to run away from us.''

Lucas chuckles because Jeanne laughs too. Jeanne is a social worker and she takes care of the adoptions of babies born under X. She hasn't had any relapses yet and it's a real relief every time she announces that everything is fine. Her husband, Eric, works for a car manufacturer and he is so out of town that Lucas wonders how Jeanne remembers what country he is in. Charlie is a surgical intern and has been married for six years to Theo who has become a real estate agent. Thanks to Theo and his good plans, they all live in the same neighborhood and frankly, Lucas couldn't have dreamed of a more perfect family. All that's missing is Eliott next to him in this bed to make this fucking picture perfect, but Lucas is trying not to think about it so he doesn't get hurt unnecessarily. His absence is always so hard to deal with, and despite what his family think, Lucas can't get used to it.

As soon as he passes the school gate, an hour later, he sees the smiling face of Léana, Jeanne's daughter. Despite her chocolate complexion and black braids, she looks like her mother when she was little. Above all, she has the same character and the same joy of life.

''Grandpa! Maxine, Anzo, look, it's grandpa lulu!''

Lucas waves to the twins. Maxine has pretty blonde braids that go all the way down to the middle of her back and Lucas could bet that it was Theo who did her hair this morning because if it was Charlie, the braids would all be crooked. He clearly has as much patience for it as Lucas had at the time - but for his defense, Jeanne's frizzy hair was much harder to style than Maxine's soft hair. Anzo gets up and runs to meet him without waiting for permission so his teacher tries to catch him but he is faster.

"Anzo! You have to wait until I give you permission to get up."

''But that's my grandpa.'' answers the little blond boy ''Tonight he's going on a plane so I want to enjoy it first. I'm going to miss him too much!"

Lucas sends a sorry smile to the teacher and lifts Anzo in his arms to kiss him.

"Maxine, Leana, you can go.'' says the teacher.

The two cousins join Lucas hand in hand. Léana jumps into Lucas' arms while Maxine sighs.

''I wanted it to be grandpa Eli! I miss him too much! I want Grandpa Eli to come back!"

Lucas sighs and takes her in his arms, kissing her blond hair.

''Me, too, Max. But you know, he..."

''Go grandpa! We have to go home, it's going to rain!"

Lucas looks at the black clouds moving over their heads. That alone is enough to make him think of Eliott. Everything that is dark and that reminds him of the Polaris Bridge is enough to make him think of Eliott. Every couple kissing in the street makes him think of Eliott. Every movie he watches on TV. Every book he reads to the children. Everything always reminds him of Eliott, it's stronger than him.

And as if on purpose, a few hours later, the plane that takes him to the other side of the world goes through a huge storm, shaking the passengers and Lucas can't stop thinking about Eliott. It's not as if he could think of anything else anyway. So he doesn't sleep during the 12-hour flight, his mind too busy for that. He sent a simple text message before boarding the plane and then he turned off his phone. And now he's stressed out because he's afraid it's not going as well as he thought. He feels like he's doing the worst crazy thing in his life. 

When he gets out of the plane, the sun blinds him and he stops for two seconds, getting used to the temperature. He takes off his jacket and regrets not having left in shorts. The pilot announced that it was 30°C today in Kathmandu and Lucas has the impression that it is 40°C. Here, it is already 11:45 a.m. because of the jet lag and the sun is already burning his skin as he crosses the tarmac towards the airport.

Lucas recovers his suitcase, trying to find his way, a little lost. He follows others, not really knowing where he should go and then he sees it. He drops his suitcase and runs to him, before jumping into his arms. He is really happy to be in a gay friendly country because it would have been really hard not to jump into his arms. It always made him feel like a hormonal teenager and it still does today.

''My love. You're so"

Eliott kisses him, preventing him from speaking. He gently caresses his back from top to bottom before holding his face in cup.

''Oh babe, I can't fucking believe this."

His lips are back on Lucas' and they lay their foreheads against each other sighing with joy. 

''Happy birthday my love.''

Eliott bursts out laughing, letting a tear escape and Lucas wipes it away before kissing him again. 

''I'm so happy you're here. I can't believe you did this. You have no idea how crazy I've been since I got your message telling me to pick you up off the plane. It's just unbelievable. You're the best birthday present ever."

Lucas puts his feet on the ground and hugs Eliott again before getting his suitcase back.

"A month without you is too much," said Lucas, slipping his hand into his husband's hand, "The kids can't wait you get home, they miss you so much. I have a ton of drawings for you in my suitcase. But most of all, I couldn't let you celebrate your birthday without me."

Eliott stops, kisses Lucas again before smiling.

''Thank you for coming halfway around the world to join me, babe. I love you so much. I can't believe you're here. Mattew told me the whole team knows. I can't believe it. I have the afternoon off. It's unbelievable. I must be dreaming."

Lucas couldn't have dreamed of a better way to surprise Eliott. Lucas watches the airport doors open in front of them and they rush into Eliott's car. Eliott gives him a tour of the city and Lucas wants to see everything here so they start with the Garden of Dreams.

They drink Raski and Lucas grinned, making Eliott laugh. Eliott drinks it rather easily and Lucas worries, wondering if he drinks it often but Eliott caresses his cheek and smiles.

''You just have to drink it quickly in one sip, like sake or rum. But no, I hardly ever drink it, don't worry."

Lucas smiles at him. He doesn't worry anymore. He's here now. He worried enough while he was more than 4500 miles away from the love of his life.

They eat Thukpa before visiting the Temple of Pashupatinath. They leave the temple with a big smile on their faces and Eliott tells him that it is already time to leave the city. They will try to come back on a day off. 

Lucas is really trying to stay awake but as Eliott drives along the winding roads of Nepal, he begins to feel all the tiredness coming down on him.

He thinks of all the other Lucas and Eliott, in the other universes who will never see these landscapes, who will never come here. He likes to think that in other universes, they experience almost the same thing, but here, for sure, it can't be the case and it almost makes him sad for the other versions of themselves.

''You can sleep, babe, you look exhausted. Are you okay? What's on your mind?"

Lucas mumbles with his eyes closed and his head resting against the window.

''Do you think the other Lucas and Eliott will ever come here?''

Eliott chuckles as he quickly caresses Lucas' cheek.

''Why not? Maybe they're coming on their honeymoon. Or maybe they met on a road trip and are still traveling the world. Or maybe they just met in high school and started this idea one day without really believing in it, and now finally they both come here and realize how lucky they are to still be there for each other."

Lucas sighs with satisfaction and puts his hand on Eliott's thigh before falling asleep. 

**************************************************

Lucas turns around and almost falls out of bed. As if he was expecting it, Eliott catches him just in time, as he has been doing for the past two weeks, since Lucas came to join him here.

''Damn, this bed's too small for two.''

Eliott pulls him towards him, laughing, forcing Lucas to lean against him, which is really not an obligation. 

''He's perfect. You're perfect. I'm so happy you're here."

Lucas chuckles as he rolls his eyes.

''I wouldn't want to be anywhere else, and you know it. I would go halfway around the world just to sleep in your arms. Oh no, I've already done that. '' laughed Lucas before he kissed him. ''And I wouldn't come home without you.''

Eliott looks at him and then takes a huge smile and Lucas knows he's going to say something totally cheesy.

''I've loved you from the minute I laid eyes on you and I still feel extremely lucky that you love me so much back."

Lucas rolls his eyes and sighs.

''Nonsense. You laughed when Jeanne said I cried."

Eliott gently caresses Lucas' cheek, wiping away the imaginary tears.

''You were so beautiful."

Lucas pretends to be offended, and that makes Eliott smile a little more.

''You're still so beautiful. I love you so much."

Lucas hugs Eliott against him, almost falling out of bed again, making Eliott laugh and pecking at his neck with kisses until a knock at the trailer door.

''Eliott! It's raining! Hurry up, it's now or never!"

Eliott jumps out of bed and Lucas might be offended that he prefers the shooting of his film to him, but really it's not even the case.

''I'm sorry, babe.''

Just Eliott's smile is enough to make Lucas happy. Sometimes he imagines what their lives would be like if Eliott had never gone back to school, and if he hadn't become a famous director. What is certain is that they probably wouldn't be here today, traveling around Nepal. 

''Don't worry, go ahead, I know you have work to do. The Kathmandu Valley is really beautiful, not to mention the city, I'm really glad I came. I'll see you soon.''

Eliott is now fully dressed and he joins Lucas on the bed to kiss him one last time before leaving.

''I love you. I'll see you later.''

Eliott kisses him one more time before jumping out of the caravan. As the film is about a road trip, they're filming in a lot of different places in Nepal, so the whole staff is following the shooting in caravans and it's really amazing to live. They filmed the parts of the film that take place in France a month before coming here so now the team is very tightly knit. The actors are all young adults so it's almost a permanent party. There's always one of them to play pranks or to uncork the beers in the evening. But during the day, Eliott is uncompromising and that's the job above all. And with all the awards he's won for the films he's made, everyone listens to him.

Lucas gets up lazily, showers and gets dressed before having his coffee. He tidies up a bit the mess they left last night and then he gets out of the caravan. He greets some of the staff members and watches the filming from a distance. It makes him smile to see how comfortable Eliott is, how he manages to tell the actors exactly how he wants them to behave on screen. Lucas still smiles like an idiot when he thinks of the time when Eliott was screaming when he was trying to film a kissing scene "no more tongue, damn it. I want to see love. I want to see excitement. More tongue.''. And the worst part is, the actors did it. Exactly the way Eliott wanted it. For Lucas, who never thought about how a film is made, who never thought about all those little details that make the difference between a passing film and a masterpiece, it was just incredible to see. Eliott is a kind of wireless puppeteer.

"Ok! We're taking a break now that it's not raining anymore. Go have some breakfast."

Lucas suspects that most of the actors had to be dragged out of bed as quickly as Eliott. Eliott wants naturalness in his films, so he tries to use as little artificial machinery as possible, which makes the shooting always a bit hectic, but that's also what makes his films so perfect.

Eliott smiles as soon as he sees him and nods to the rest of the staff. He grabs Lucas' hand as he comes close to him and pulls him into the trailer.

"I've got fifteen minutes to enjoy you before I go back."

They enter the trailer, laughing, and Eliott lifts Lucas, kissing him, and puts him on the kitchen counter.

''You're soaking wet, my love.''

Eliott touches his clothes as if to check and takes them off faster than it takes time to say it. Lucas leans towards him, biting his neck to leave a mark that he will keep for a moment. His right hand plays with the nipple piercing Eliott is wearing and he smiles because he knows Eliott loves it. 

Eliott did this to himself during his last manic episode, the year he turned 50. Lucas just shrugged his shoulders and smiled when Eliott showed him, thanking the world that Eliott didn't get a tattoo he would have regretted. Eliott thought about removing them and letting the holes close up but Lucas loves to play with them so he finally kept them.

And now that Lucas slides his tongue inside the ring, he's happy that Eliott kept them. It's so sexy. Lucas kisses Eliott's tattoo before coming back to his lips while Eliott's hands slip into his shorts and boxer shorts.

''I'm so lucky to have you so close to me.''

Eliott kisses Lucas passionately, as if he can't believe how lucky he is, when clearly Lucas is the luckier of the two.

"We could be even closer."

Eliott smiles and grabs Lucas' hips to pull him towards him. He gently lifts him up and carries him to the bed where he lays him down gently.

Eliott takes off Lucas' clothes and almost melts on his body. Lucas grabs his back to bring him even closer. Eliott kisses him gently in the neck, pepper his chest with kisses, making Lucas languish.

''I thought it was necessary to be fast?''

Lucas winks at Eliott with his most teasing smile and Eliott gently pushes two fingers inside him. 

''You want fast like that?''

Lucas shakes his head and smiles.

''No. More faster."

Eliott kisses him, takes off his fingers before gently pushing him inside Lucas.

"Like this?"

Lucas feels his breathing getting blocked as he squeezes Eliott a little harder.

''Yeah. Fuck, yeah."

Lucas curls up on the mattress, seeing nothing but stars each time Eliott goes deeper inside him.

''It feels so good."

Eliott stops, looks at Lucas who begs him with his eyes to continue and takes a huge smile before pulling him onto his knees, making Lucas straighten up so that their two torsos line up perfectly and their lips are in line.

''I love you so much.''

Having sex with Eliott is still a fucking declaration of love and it's just amazing that it still feels so good after all this time. Lucas knows he has red cheeks, totally messed up hair and his heart is pounding, but it's just perfect.

"Tomorrow I'm spending my day here with you, birthday boy."

Lucas hugs Eliott even tighter, leaving his head resting on his shoulder.

"I couldn't have dreamed of anything better."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've always dreamed of writing about it: we'll be 50 years old and we'll be in Kathmandu, but I never knew how to do it... so here it is. I hope you liked it!
> 
> I find it incredible to see how this story has evolved with your requests, your comments and it makes me very happy!
> 
> By the way, I'm the only one who doesn't speak in my mother language here...
> 
> Alors je suis français, mais je parle en patois vendéen : Bendàme, Ô lé ben vrai : MERCI BEAUCOUP !!!! ! A tché faites! (It's Vendean patois: That's right : THANK YOU SO MUCH. See you soon!).

**Author's Note:**

> Leave me a comment in your native language for once: I would love it! surprise me! 😃


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